Body Liberation ActivistArtasSelfCareUpward Spiral RecordingJune26 2024

Transcript

• 00:00Today's,
• 00:04welcome to today's upwards,
• 00:07spiral summer series,
• 00:10with,
• 00:10with Wednesday, Riem Ifrack,
• 00:13the body liberation and activist
• 00:15art as self care.
• 00:17And,
• 00:20I want to share that
• 00:22a little bit about why
• 00:23we started,
• 00:25the upward spiral summer
• 00:28series.
• 00:29Kelvin and Annette, my co
• 00:32cocreators here,
• 00:33who wanted to
• 00:35who had been doing this,
• 00:37recovery support work for many
• 00:39years in in in Connecticut
• 00:42and, and seeing what was
• 00:44happening in the recovery,
• 00:46support
• 00:47community
• 00:48and peer support, and they
• 00:49wanted to find a way
• 00:50to to share with people
• 00:52how to self care, to
• 00:54take care of themself
• 00:55while doing this work and
• 00:57bring,
• 00:58information
• 00:59and and knowledge that people
• 01:00could use to take care
• 01:01of themself and and others
• 01:03while doing this work.
• 01:05My myself,
• 01:07was invited,
• 01:08to be on the team.
• 01:10And for for my story
• 01:12by the way, I didn't
• 01:13say my name, Mitsy Sky.
• 01:15You know, I started
• 01:17sharing working in peer recovery
• 01:19support for a set of
• 01:20behavioral health clinic where it
• 01:22just went down the drain
• 01:24and, I was lucky to
• 01:25find,
• 01:26support in the in the
• 01:27peer recovery,
• 01:29community.
• 01:31And when I started, I
• 01:32was just so gung ho
• 01:33and wanted to share with
• 01:35people
• 01:36what I've been doing to
• 01:37take care of myself and
• 01:38how good I was feeling
• 01:39about life, but I had
• 01:41no idea,
• 01:43how hard that would be.
• 01:45And, and it's been the
• 01:46hardest thing to do to
• 01:48take care of myself while
• 01:49doing this work.
• 01:51And so
• 01:52as we learn and,
• 01:54and gain information
• 01:56and knowledge,
• 01:58giving back is is what
• 01:59we,
• 02:01wanna do and and and
• 02:02and why
• 02:04Annette and Kelvin
• 02:05wanted to start this. Just
• 02:07giving information to people and
• 02:09and so that not only
• 02:10to give you the information,
• 02:11but that you could use
• 02:12it and and build on,
• 02:14to take yourself and make
• 02:16changes while you do this
• 02:17work.
• 02:19And
• 02:22now I want to do
• 02:28a a land acknowledgement.
• 02:31And so I want to
• 02:33read this brief land acknowledgement
• 02:35and to start by saying
• 02:36that the land acknowledgment is
• 02:38to help those of us
• 02:39non native people
• 02:41remember we are on stolen
• 02:42lands.
• 02:43I am speaking to you
• 02:44from the lands on which
• 02:45I live live and work,
• 02:47now referred to as Connecticut,
• 02:49a land that was unjustly
• 02:50colonized.
• 02:52These are the sacred homelands
• 02:53of descendants of indigenous people
• 02:55who have lived in Connecticut
• 02:57over the past eight thousand
• 02:58years
• 02:59and is the unceded territory
• 03:02of the Quinnipiac,
• 03:03Tunxis,
• 03:04Matabesec,
• 03:05Mohegan,
• 03:06Mashantucket Pequot,
• 03:08Pawtucket,
• 03:09Eastern Pequot,
• 03:11Scatico,
• 03:12Golden Hill,
• 03:14Puckussett,
• 03:15Nipmuc,
• 03:16and Lenape
• 03:17peoples.
• 03:18And forgive me if I
• 03:20pronounce anything
• 03:21incorrectly,
• 03:22who have and continue
• 03:24to store these lands throughout
• 03:26the generations.
• 03:28A final reminder to all
• 03:30of us to put our
• 03:31words into action by spreading
• 03:32awareness of the rich history
• 03:35on just colonization
• 03:36and present
• 03:37inequities
• 03:38and supporting the preservation of
• 03:40indigenous peoples and their cultures
• 03:42everywhere.
• 03:45And,
• 03:49and now we
• 03:50want to have, Calvin.
• 03:55Thank you so much, Misty,
• 03:57you know, for,
• 03:58the land acknowledgment and welcome
• 04:00us, all of us, to
• 04:01this Upward Spiral Summer Summit.
• 04:04And hello. Hello. Hello, everyone.
• 04:05And thank you so much
• 04:06for being here and taking
• 04:07your time out
• 04:08out of your schedules to
• 04:10share,
• 04:11with the wisdom that we're
• 04:12gonna be learning today from
• 04:14Wednesday. So I'm excited to
• 04:15be here.
• 04:16Real quickly, again, my name
• 04:18is Kelvin Young, and I'm
• 04:19a certified sound healer
• 04:20and cofounder of Soul Care
• 04:22Love with my beautiful life
• 04:23partner, Maria Del Carmen.
• 04:25And we have opportunities to
• 04:26offer sound healing sessions to
• 04:28different people from all walks
• 04:29of life,
• 04:31yoga studios and wellness centers
• 04:33throughout the world. But we
• 04:34also go to places where
• 04:35sound healing may not be
• 04:36accessible to many people, such
• 04:38as addiction treatment centers, mental
• 04:40health facilities, prisons, shelters,
• 04:42throughout Connecticut and beyond. I'm
• 04:44also the cofounder of Toivo,
• 04:46which is a a peer
• 04:47run holistic healing center here
• 04:48in Hartford, Connecticut.
• 04:50But most importantly for me,
• 04:52I'm also a person that's
• 04:53in long term recovery,
• 04:54which means I haven't used
• 04:56alcohol or any other drug
• 04:57to deal with my own
• 04:58mental emotional distress since March
• 05:00six two thousand and nine.
• 05:02And Sound Hill has been
• 05:03a tool that really helped
• 05:04me to sustain my sobriety
• 05:05for over fifteen years now.
• 05:08And working,
• 05:09in a peer role in
• 05:10a behavioral health setting for
• 05:11for several years now,
• 05:13I enjoy the work and
• 05:14it is very rewarding work.
• 05:17But if I'm really honest
• 05:18with myself, radically honest with
• 05:19myself, it's very stressful and
• 05:21overwhelming as well too.
• 05:23And part of my work
• 05:24is to really bring these
• 05:25holistic practices to different people,
• 05:27but also to people that
• 05:28work in the peer roles,
• 05:29people like ourselves.
• 05:31And that's one of the
• 05:32the the reasons why we
• 05:33kinda created,
• 05:34Upper Spiro because we wanna
• 05:36give people tools and resources
• 05:38so we could be better
• 05:39equipped. We could be full.
• 05:40We could be present and
• 05:42available for the people that
• 05:43we we serve within our
• 05:45agencies, organizations, neighborhoods, and our
• 05:47communities.
• 05:48And we're gonna
• 05:50offer a little grounding exercise
• 05:51with this Himalayan singing bowl.
• 05:55And during these experiences with
• 05:56sound, I used the Himalayan
• 05:58singing bowl
• 05:59that you see here.
• 06:01But also other tools that
• 06:02I utilize such as the
• 06:03crystal singing bowls, the Himalayan
• 06:05bowls,
• 06:06the gongs,
• 06:07the chime,
• 06:08and different other healing tools
• 06:10to help us to activate
• 06:11and stimulate,
• 06:12the parasympathetic
• 06:13nervous system,
• 06:14also known as the relaxation
• 06:16response, to help us to
• 06:17calm our minds, to relax
• 06:18our bodies,
• 06:19to fill our emotions, because
• 06:21I believe it's so important
• 06:23for us to feel before
• 06:24we heal,
• 06:25as well as to nourish
• 06:27our souls.
• 06:28And the meditative sounds produced
• 06:30from the different tools that
• 06:31I utilized, such as this
• 06:32Himalayan singapore,
• 06:34it promotes healing from chronic
• 06:36stress,
• 06:36muscle
• 06:37tension, physical pain that I
• 06:39feel in my bodies,
• 06:41feelings of anxiety, depression,
• 06:43post traumatic stress, sleep issues,
• 06:45and different other stress related
• 06:46chronic health conditions that we
• 06:48experience in our lives.
• 06:50All those different types of
• 06:51emotional distresses I just named
• 06:53was the main reason why
• 06:53I reached for the alcohol,
• 06:55the heroin, the cocaine,
• 06:56prescription opioids in the first
• 06:58place.
• 06:59And even though those drugs
• 07:00gave me a temporary sense
• 07:01of relief, it really, really
• 07:03did. But for me and
• 07:05many people like myself, it
• 07:06caused more negative consequences
• 07:08at the end. So that's
• 07:09why I believe it's so
• 07:10important that we find tools
• 07:11and practices to help us
• 07:13to center ourselves,
• 07:14whether we work with, people
• 07:16or we at home and
• 07:17our family, our loved ones
• 07:18in our community,
• 07:19or when we begin to
• 07:21have conversations on webinars like
• 07:22this.
• 07:23So at this time, I
• 07:24invite you to get into
• 07:26a comfortable position, whatever that
• 07:28may mean or look like
• 07:29for you.
• 07:31And now also at this
• 07:32time, I invite you to
• 07:33either close your eyes if
• 07:34you choose to,
• 07:37or you can bring a
• 07:37soft gaze to the floor
• 07:39if you choose to,
• 07:41or you could keep your
• 07:42eyes open. Whatever feels most
• 07:44comfortable and safe for you.
• 07:47I invite you to do
• 07:48so at this moment.
• 07:51As we take this opportunity
• 07:54to check-in with ourselves and
• 07:55to notice how we feel
• 07:56at this very moment.
• 08:03Notice any sensations you may
• 08:05feel within our body,
• 08:08or any thoughts might be
• 08:10coming up to our conscious
• 08:11awareness,
• 08:13or any emotions that might
• 08:14be arising within us.
• 08:18Let's take this time just
• 08:19to notice how we feel
• 08:20in a very loving,
• 08:22compassionate, and nonjudgmental
• 08:24way.
• 08:25Or should I say, let's
• 08:26be mindful of the judgments
• 08:28that do come up
• 08:29during this centering exercise
• 08:33as we take this time
• 08:34to relax,
• 08:37to reset, and to rejuvenate
• 08:40through the transformative
• 08:41powers
• 08:42of sound.
• 11:13And at this time, I
• 11:14invite you to take a
• 11:16nice deep breath in
• 11:19and a long
• 11:21breath out.
• 11:27We'll do this two more
• 11:29times. Take a nice deep
• 11:30breath in
• 11:33and a long
• 11:34breath out.
• 11:41One more time. Take a
• 11:42nice deep breath in
• 11:46and a long breath out,
• 11:51releasing any stress,
• 11:54any worry,
• 11:56any anxiety,
• 11:58anything that no longer serve
• 12:00us, we ask for it
• 12:01to be released,
• 12:03and it is so.
• 12:13And when you're ready and
• 12:14only when you're ready,
• 12:16if your eyes are closed,
• 12:19you may open your eyes.
• 12:21Take your time, everyone.
• 12:30Alright. Thank you so much,
• 12:31everyone,
• 12:33for participating in this grounding
• 12:36centering
• 12:37exercise.
• 12:38And at this time, I
• 12:39invite you to
• 12:40share in a chat if
• 12:41you like
• 12:43your intention for
• 12:45this webinar.
• 12:46So whatever you like to
• 12:47get out of this webinar
• 12:48with Wednesday,
• 12:50I invite you right now
• 12:51to put it to the
• 12:52chat.
• 12:54So I really do believe
• 12:55it's so important for us
• 12:56to
• 12:57understand what our intention is
• 12:59and whatever we're doing in
• 13:00our lives. You know? And
• 13:02one of the things and
• 13:03goals we wanted to do
• 13:04is really
• 13:05allow people to set their
• 13:06attention for this webinar. So
• 13:08you're more than welcome to
• 13:09share your attention in a
• 13:11chat if you choose to,
• 13:12whatever that may mean or
• 13:14look like for you.
• 13:22Hey, Jacqueline. How you doing?
• 13:24She mentioned showing up with
• 13:25curiosity today. I love that.
• 13:27I love that.
• 13:29Annette said hello, everyone.
• 13:31It's going in fast. I
• 13:32missed it. It says
• 13:35let's see. Okay. Let me
• 13:37go back to
• 13:41let me see.
• 13:43Let's see.
• 13:46She said, as an intern
• 13:48at Perch, a student at
• 13:49Rutgers University and research assistant,
• 13:52and my intention
• 13:53for this webinar is to
• 13:54reconnect with self. I love
• 13:56that, and thank you so
• 13:57much for for sharing.
• 14:01And let's see.
• 14:04Janelle said, I am looking
• 14:06forward to learning from everyone
• 14:08today. Yes.
• 14:09I'm Annette Diaz. You mentioned
• 14:10I am also
• 14:12a fellow from Let's Lead.
• 14:14Yes. Yes.
• 14:17And Abby's mentioned I am
• 14:18sober and and work in
• 14:20prevention with kids, and I
• 14:21am an artist. Yes. And
• 14:24Tiffany mentioned honor what comes
• 14:26up in my body, refusing
• 14:27to deny its truth. Yeah.
• 14:29It's my truth. Yes. Thank
• 14:31you so much. And feel
• 14:32free to continue to share
• 14:33your intentions.
• 14:35And I pass it back
• 14:36to, my dear friend and
• 14:38colleague, Mitsy Sky.
• 14:43Thank you, Calvin. That was
• 14:45great. That was relaxing.
• 14:47And now I have the
• 14:48honor of introducing to everyone
• 14:51Wednesday.
• 14:54So Wednesday.
• 14:57So I'm a share with
• 14:58you. Wednesday is a trans,
• 14:59non binary art therapist and
• 15:01counselor whose work focuses on
• 15:03gender affirming care,
• 15:06LGBTQA
• 15:07plus issues, and trauma informed
• 15:09care
• 15:10focusing on healing, centered engagement,
• 15:13body justice,
• 15:14intersectional
• 15:15social justice, and eating disorder
• 15:17treatment, equity access.
• 15:19They co own and operate
• 15:21rainbow recovery, providing clinical supervision,
• 15:25consultations, trainings,
• 15:26workshops,
• 15:27and con clinical counseling
• 15:29and art therapy to clients
• 15:30across Connecticut and Pennsylvania.
• 15:33They are also an adjunct
• 15:34professor at Moravian University
• 15:37where they teach mental health
• 15:38counseling and social work courses,
• 15:40including trauma informed care, human
• 15:43sexuality,
• 15:44advanced queer and trans studies,
• 15:46crisis intervention, and telehealth mental
• 15:49health counseling.
• 15:51They have run training consultations
• 15:53and workshops for numerous agencies
• 15:55over the past the last
• 15:57ten plus years, including the
• 15:58American Art Therapy Associations,
• 16:01the National Alliance for Eating
• 16:02Disorders, the Connecticut State Department
• 16:05of Mental Health and Addiction
• 16:06Services,
• 16:07the Connecticut State Department Department
• 16:09of Children and Families,
• 16:11Eastern Connecticut State University,
• 16:13University of New Haven, Alberta's
• 16:16Magnus College, the Museum of
• 16:18Modern Art, Smith College, Fenway
• 16:20Health Collective,
• 16:21the National Association for Social
• 16:23Work, and the Longmore Institute
• 16:25of Disability through San Francisco
• 16:27State University.
• 16:29In their previous clinical work,
• 16:30they founded the country's first
• 16:32LGBTQIA
• 16:34plus eating disorder program and
• 16:36worked to ensure all queer
• 16:37people could access eating disorder
• 16:39care where ninety percent
• 16:41of staff were LGBTQIA
• 16:43plus identifying.
• 16:45They formally served on the
• 16:46board of Project Heal, a
• 16:48nonprofit whose mission is to
• 16:50create treatment, equity,
• 16:53access in the eating disorder
• 16:54field. They were president of
• 16:56the Connecticut Art Therapy Association
• 16:58where they work with Connecticut
• 16:59state legislators
• 17:02to pass the state's first
• 17:03art therapy license, the CLAT.
• 17:06Wednesday's current projects include
• 17:09working with the Connecticut State
• 17:10Department of Mental Health and
• 17:11Addiction Services,
• 17:13a four year grant through
• 17:14BH Care
• 17:16community mental health agency,
• 17:18continued with the Museum
• 17:20of Modern Art,
• 17:22GLMA,
• 17:22and the National Association for
• 17:24Social Works queer research symposium.
• 17:28Everyone,
• 17:29it's my pleasure
• 17:30to and please welcome
• 17:32Wednesday.
• 17:35Thanks.
• 17:36Oh, and I look like
• 17:37I'm twenty. That's the best
• 17:38compliment ever. Can I just
• 17:40I just can we talk
• 17:41about that? No. Thank you
• 17:42so much. I'm truly, truly,
• 17:44truly honored to be here
• 17:45with all of you. Every
• 17:46time I hear my bio,
• 17:47I just honestly wanna scream
• 17:49at people. I just really
• 17:49like to talk,
• 17:54and I'm really excited to
• 17:55share this with you all
• 17:56today.
• 17:57I like to think of
• 17:58myself as a therapist second
• 18:00and a human being first.
• 18:02And so it's exciting to
• 18:03be in a space where
• 18:05I can just be myself
• 18:07and share some of the
• 18:08clinical knowledge with you, but
• 18:09also share the personal experience,
• 18:11which I think matters most.
• 18:15Should I get started, Vinty?
• 18:16Should I share my screen?
• 18:17Yes.
• 18:19Got it.
• 18:22Alright.
• 18:25So welcome to,
• 18:28body
• 18:29liberation and activist art as
• 18:30self care.
• 18:31This is the love of
• 18:32my life.
• 18:34And so I wanted to
• 18:35start by kind of telling
• 18:36you all a story,
• 18:38my story, and how
• 18:40art became the thing that
• 18:42I always say to people
• 18:43saved me.
• 18:44You're gonna hear throughout this
• 18:46about how I am in
• 18:48long term recovery from an
• 18:49eating disorder.
• 18:51And art was, for me,
• 18:53the reason why I'm able
• 18:54to be myself. And so
• 18:56my story kind of starts
• 18:58in high school, which I
• 18:59know is an awkward time
• 19:00for every human being. I
• 19:02don't think by any means
• 19:03it was just uncomfortable for
• 19:04me.
• 19:05I grew up with a
• 19:07lot of trauma and a
• 19:08lot
• 19:10of disconnect from my body
• 19:11because of trauma, but also
• 19:13the culture that we're in.
• 19:14I'm sure each of you
• 19:15can label many times someone
• 19:17has made a negative comment
• 19:18about your body that you
• 19:19should change your weight, that
• 19:21your hair is not appropriate,
• 19:23that your,
• 19:25skin color is a reason
• 19:26to be discriminated against, that
• 19:27your gender is a problem.
• 19:29But something about our bodies
• 19:30is always weaponized against us.
• 19:31And so I think in
• 19:33really formative years when that
• 19:34happens to us, it it
• 19:35fundamentally
• 19:36changes who we are and
• 19:37how we react to the
• 19:38world. And my reaction was
• 19:40to have an eating disorder
• 19:41and try to be in
• 19:42control.
• 19:44As a result of my
• 19:45eating disorder, I also developed,
• 19:47a chronic illness and therefore
• 19:48medical trauma as a person
• 19:49in a bigger body and
• 19:51was really lucky I had
• 19:53one really wonderful stable adult,
• 19:54my mother, who lived in
• 19:56Mexico for many years
• 19:58and introduced me to Frida
• 19:59Kahlo. My two favorite paintings
• 20:01are on the screen.
• 20:03They are my favorite because
• 20:04they were part of her
• 20:05exploration of herself and of
• 20:06gender,
• 20:07which I think is actually
• 20:09the biggest part of my
• 20:10story in this. And
• 20:12I remember her sitting down
• 20:13with me and giving me
• 20:14these books and talking about
• 20:16how Frida Kahlo had had
• 20:17this accident and had been
• 20:18stuck in her bed for
• 20:19years. And the only thing
• 20:21she could paint and draw
• 20:22and stare at was herself
• 20:24with a mirror that they
• 20:25installed at the top of
• 20:26her bed.
• 20:28And that is all she
• 20:29had. Right? Stuck in a
• 20:31time where mobility aids weren't
• 20:33really a thing. Medical science
• 20:34wasn't what it was now.
• 20:37And, you know, living in
• 20:39a time where medical care
• 20:40certainly wasn't what it is
• 20:42now.
• 20:44And she challenged me to
• 20:46find myself
• 20:47in in the artwork,
• 20:49And she challenged me to
• 20:51find the connection.
• 20:52And I think in that
• 20:53way,
• 20:54I was really being challenged
• 20:56to find myself
• 20:57without
• 20:58that being said.
• 21:01And the first thing I
• 21:02was always drawn to in
• 21:03this work was the way
• 21:04in which this is a
• 21:05human being that never really
• 21:07apologized for
• 21:08her gender, her sexuality,
• 21:10her gender exploration.
• 21:12She
• 21:13had no problem being loud.
• 21:15She had no problem being
• 21:17honest.
• 21:18She had no problem being
• 21:19herself regardless
• 21:21of the reaction to her,
• 21:22and
• 21:23I wanted to be that
• 21:24so desperately.
• 21:26That seemed so authentic to
• 21:27me. That vulnerability
• 21:29felt so real and so
• 21:30necessary.
• 21:33And as a result of
• 21:34that, I was able to
• 21:36figure out my own gender
• 21:37and sexuality.
• 21:40And I was able to
• 21:41come out and I was
• 21:41able to step into myself.
• 21:43And it was because
• 21:45I had this person that
• 21:46I could look at, that
• 21:47I could look up to,
• 21:47that wasn't a parent,
• 21:49that wasn't a part of
• 21:50trauma, that was kind of
• 21:51this
• 21:52figure floating in the ether.
• 21:53She was a real person,
• 21:54but it's not as if
• 21:55I could interact with her
• 21:57on a daily basis. And
• 21:59so as I immersed myself
• 22:00in her artwork,
• 22:02as I got older, I
• 22:03started to understand all of
• 22:04the different political messages that
• 22:06were in her art, all
• 22:07the activism that her art
• 22:08and the artists around her
• 22:09were saying. So it wasn't
• 22:11just that self exploration. It
• 22:13was actually how do we
• 22:14pick apart
• 22:16the
• 22:17issues in our culture and
• 22:19in our world that cause
• 22:21harm and that contribute, if
• 22:23not cause, the reasons why
• 22:25any of us has an
• 22:26issue, eating disorders, substance abuse,
• 22:28serious mental health issues.
• 22:30Right? And and her paintings
• 22:32actually helped me see that.
• 22:35I think her paintings were
• 22:36the first time that I
• 22:37understood
• 22:38how I both benefited and
• 22:40were harmed by white supremacy,
• 22:42how capitalism has harmed each
• 22:44of us and our bodies.
• 22:46And so that's kind of
• 22:48what
• 22:48today is about is
• 22:50how do we become liberated
• 22:53from the ways in which
• 22:54we have been forced into
• 22:55boxes that our bodies don't
• 22:57belong,
• 22:58and how can we therefore
• 22:59use our own creativity, whether
• 23:01you consider yourself an artist
• 23:03or not,
• 23:04to cope in a world
• 23:05that has no interest in
• 23:06us being here.
• 23:08And I think that's what
• 23:09her art taught me most
• 23:11is that we have to
• 23:12cope in a world that
• 23:12has no interest in us
• 23:14being here because we belong
• 23:15here.
• 23:18Our culture is wrong.
• 23:21And our culture is often
• 23:22the reason why we find
• 23:23ourselves needing to be in
• 23:24positions to get in recovery
• 23:26in the first place.
• 23:30So this is my artwork.
• 23:32Welcome to the things I
• 23:33do while I process who
• 23:34I am
• 23:35as
• 23:36a
• 23:37human.
• 23:38So a result of all
• 23:39of that introspection
• 23:41finding myself through art was
• 23:43becoming an art therapist. I
• 23:44tell everyone it's the greatest
• 23:46thing that I think I've
• 23:46ever done
• 23:48for myself. I hope it's
• 23:49great for other people, but,
• 23:50selfishly, it was wonderful for
• 23:52me.
• 23:53And it's because I I
• 23:55learned how
• 23:56to look at this, right,
• 23:57these paintings that are in
• 23:58front of you. And
• 24:01I see the process in
• 24:03a way that I think
• 24:03a lot of people don't.
• 24:06And I've always thought that
• 24:06way. I've always thought outside
• 24:08the box, and this was
• 24:09an opportunity
• 24:10to see that. And a
• 24:12lot of my artwork is
• 24:14very circular and swirling and
• 24:16some more chaotic than others
• 24:17because I think when we
• 24:18are in
• 24:20active recovery and trying to
• 24:21stay there, at least for
• 24:22me with an eating disorder,
• 24:23that's how it feels. There's
• 24:24always this really nice bright
• 24:26light in the middle that
• 24:26I know I can sit
• 24:27in,
• 24:28and the swirl and the
• 24:29chaos and the madness isn't
• 24:31always bad.
• 24:32Right? But it sucks you
• 24:34in,
• 24:35and you have to choose
• 24:36to stay in that light.
• 24:37You have to choose to
• 24:38stay in that spot, and
• 24:39that is a daily hourly
• 24:41by minute decision.
• 24:43And
• 24:44for me personally, I can
• 24:45say, right, we can't not
• 24:47eat.
• 24:48So I have to make
• 24:49recovery choices
• 24:50every meal, every snack, every
• 24:52sip of water. I'm making
• 24:53this active choice to be
• 24:55here because I deserve to
• 24:57be here.
• 24:58Again, because you deserve to
• 24:59be here.
• 25:01And learning that I deserve
• 25:03to be here
• 25:05actually also meant having to
• 25:07unlearn a lot of the
• 25:08things that I was taught
• 25:09about my body.
• 25:11I was taught that because
• 25:13I was fat, it took
• 25:13up too much space,
• 25:15and I had to shrink
• 25:16myself.
• 25:17I was taught that because
• 25:19I had a chronic illness
• 25:20and a disability, I didn't
• 25:21deserve to be in spaces
• 25:23anyway.
• 25:24Right?
• 25:25I was taught parts about
• 25:27myself that are not changeable.
• 25:29Right? We cannot change our
• 25:30disability. We cannot change our
• 25:32chronic illness. I cannot
• 25:34change my gender, and I
• 25:35can't change that I had
• 25:37an eating disorder. Right? Those
• 25:38are things that I think
• 25:40we often use to discredit
• 25:41and harm each other when
• 25:42that's not, I think, anybody's
• 25:44intention always.
• 25:47And
• 25:48I tell everyone it it's
• 25:49all of that that led
• 25:50me to what I say
• 25:51is the coming out again.
• 25:52I think coming out is
• 25:53a daily process anyway, depending
• 25:55upon what space you're in.
• 25:58But my healing and my
• 25:59acceptance of all of the
• 26:00parts of myself that I
• 26:02was constantly told weren't good
• 26:04enough and didn't deserve space,
• 26:06right, when I took that
• 26:07space,
• 26:08I was able to kind
• 26:09of go, cool. I'm also
• 26:10non binary. Now I'm gonna
• 26:11take up more space,
• 26:14and now I'm gonna really
• 26:15be myself.
• 26:16And the more that I
• 26:17was myself, the easier recovery
• 26:19was.
• 26:20And to me, that's the
• 26:21best part is the more
• 26:23vulnerable I am, the more
• 26:24honest I am, the more
• 26:26authentic I am,
• 26:28the easier it is actually
• 26:29to be to maintain,
• 26:32to be in a space
• 26:33where I can feel
• 26:35good in my life.
• 26:38And in
• 26:40doing that work,
• 26:41I discovered body liberation, and
• 26:43I finally was able to
• 26:44bring
• 26:45art therapy and activism and
• 26:47this healing work kind of
• 26:48together into this space. And
• 26:51I'm really excited to share
• 26:52all with you,
• 26:54what body liberation even means
• 26:56and why it's important.
• 26:57And
• 26:58this is not from the
• 27:00therapeutic perspective. This is for
• 27:02all human beings. I would
• 27:03love it if every single
• 27:04person on the planet just
• 27:05knew what this was so
• 27:06that we could all practice
• 27:07it together.
• 27:10So you're gonna get some
• 27:12definitions.
• 27:13Sorry.
• 27:15So, basically, body liberation,
• 27:17it asks us to use
• 27:18an introspective lens to help
• 27:20us reimagine a world where
• 27:22people don't experience systemic oppression
• 27:25based on their body or
• 27:26their race, their gender ability.
• 27:27Right? All of the things
• 27:28that we experience.
• 27:30Right?
• 27:31The reason why we have
• 27:33to reimagine is how do
• 27:34you liberate something if you
• 27:35don't understand what you're liberating
• 27:37it from.
• 27:39So my best example to
• 27:41people is, you know, my
• 27:43personally, and it's different for
• 27:44each person. I can only
• 27:46share my own experience. But
• 27:47for me, my eating disorder
• 27:48was a really great way
• 27:49to sublimate and be in
• 27:50control and try to erase
• 27:52as much of those marginalizing
• 27:54factors as possible. Right? If
• 27:55I'm not out
• 27:57and I make my body
• 27:58really small
• 27:59and
• 28:00I therefore feel like it's
• 28:02easier to hide my disability
• 28:04and I'm white, right, I
• 28:06can hide.
• 28:08I can shrink away and
• 28:09hide, and everyone will leave
• 28:10me alone.
• 28:12And I'm sure for all
• 28:14of you, you can think
• 28:14many times in your life
• 28:15where you just wanted to
• 28:16be left alone.
• 28:18I wanted to hide from
• 28:19my trauma. I wanted to
• 28:20hide from my trauma figures.
• 28:22I wanted people to not
• 28:23hurt me anymore. I wanted
• 28:24to be out in the
• 28:25world and have nobody notice
• 28:27me. I'm sure as you're
• 28:28looking at me right now
• 28:29and those of you that
• 28:29have met me in person,
• 28:30I'm very hard to not
• 28:31notice,
• 28:33which
• 28:34to me right? I'm like,
• 28:36this is the result of
• 28:37body liberation
• 28:38to go from
• 28:40I want nobody to see
• 28:42me
• 28:43to
• 28:44I'm going to force you
• 28:45to see me
• 28:46because I deserve that.
• 28:50So part of this is
• 28:51that we talk about when
• 28:52it comes to equity specifically,
• 28:55we can often understand why
• 28:57anti racist, anti misogyny
• 28:59misogynistic
• 29:00lens is vital to a
• 29:01lot of our practice in
• 29:02the world,
• 29:03but body size ability status
• 29:05and even gender expansiveness is
• 29:07still considered a a final
• 29:08frontier in these conversations,
• 29:10which I think is reductive.
• 29:12I think all oppression
• 29:14still isn't addressed the way
• 29:16it needs to be, and
• 29:17body liberation challenges us
• 29:19to not only look at
• 29:20all of these, but to
• 29:21step outside of our own
• 29:22oppression and look at each
• 29:23other's
• 29:24and ask ourselves, if I
• 29:26can liberate myself, how can
• 29:27I help you liberate yourself?
• 29:29I can't change our culture.
• 29:30If I could, it would
• 29:31be done. I promise.
• 29:33But if we can all
• 29:34do this together,
• 29:37we can help all the
• 29:38people that we all help.
• 29:40Right? And I want you
• 29:41to think of every person
• 29:42that you give peer support
• 29:43to, every person in your
• 29:45family, every person you come
• 29:46across. Right? What
• 29:48if they left feeling like
• 29:49they were allowed to be
• 29:50liberated and they could pass
• 29:51that on,
• 29:53that their body was good
• 29:54enough?
• 29:57And that's my favorite thing
• 29:58about my journey and my
• 29:59work is I just want
• 30:00everyone to know their body
• 30:01is good enough.
• 30:03Doesn't have to be perfect.
• 30:05It's not going to be
• 30:06just good enough.
• 30:11So
• 30:12what I appreciate
• 30:14about the idea of body
• 30:15liberation is it asks us
• 30:16to be fully inclusive about
• 30:17all the areas of our
• 30:18bodies and those around us,
• 30:20right, as we as I've
• 30:20said before, all of the
• 30:22things.
• 30:23What I really appreciate it
• 30:25about it the most is
• 30:26it reminds me that capitalism
• 30:28is the reason why we
• 30:29struggle to take care of
• 30:30ourselves and we struggle to
• 30:32be liberated.
• 30:33And I think that's kind
• 30:34of the crux of a
• 30:35lot of things for a
• 30:36lot of us. Right? Like
• 30:37going to treatment is expensive.
• 30:39For any of you that's
• 30:39gone to treatment, it costs
• 30:40money,
• 30:42a lot of money,
• 30:43and insurance costs money, a
• 30:45lot of money. Right? And
• 30:47all of the things that
• 30:47you need to be in
• 30:48the world cost money, a
• 30:50lot of money.
• 30:52This I mean,
• 30:54I know I'm not the
• 30:54only one that has a
• 30:55problem with that. Right? Like,
• 30:56there's a problem with this.
• 31:00To recover and feel liberated
• 31:01and good in your body
• 31:03should not cost you
• 31:05the inability to buy food
• 31:06or to have a home.
• 31:07And
• 31:09when I learned about body
• 31:10liberation, what I really learned
• 31:11is that our our system
• 31:13is not just oppressive of
• 31:14our individual body's factors.
• 31:16It is oppressive to the
• 31:18core of how we access
• 31:19the things we need to
• 31:20be
• 31:22okay. We often talk about
• 31:23basic needs. Right? Housing, food,
• 31:26clothing.
• 31:28What about access to recovery?
• 31:34I can't say how much
• 31:35substance use recovery treatment costs,
• 31:38but in the eating disorder
• 31:39world where I worked in
• 31:40a residential facility, the average
• 31:42cost is one to two
• 31:43thousand dollars a day,
• 31:44and people need ninety days
• 31:46on average.
• 31:48Ninety thousand dollars minimum.
• 31:52So I never went to
• 31:52treatment. I had to figure
• 31:53this out on my own.
• 31:54And I think often when
• 31:55I do this work, I
• 31:56work with people who can't
• 31:58access those things
• 31:59just like I couldn't.
• 32:01And so
• 32:03I had to learn this
• 32:05because I had to figure
• 32:06something else out because the
• 32:07clinical world was not doing
• 32:08it. It's why I'm a
• 32:09big proponent of peers and
• 32:11peer coaching
• 32:12because
• 32:14we need each other.
• 32:16I needed someone, and I'm
• 32:17sure you each needed someone.
• 32:18And when we got someone,
• 32:19now we're able to be
• 32:20someone to somebody else.
• 32:22And for me, that's the
• 32:23beauty of this.
• 32:28So, like, I've been saying,
• 32:30I believe body liberation is
• 32:32what saved me truly.
• 32:34I don't I love my
• 32:35therapist.
• 32:36She's with me to this
• 32:37day. She's not on this
• 32:38call. Thank goodness. If she
• 32:39watches the recording, I love
• 32:40you.
• 32:41And
• 32:42I believe this is this
• 32:44is what saved me because
• 32:45it taught me our culture
• 32:46is wrong about my body
• 32:47and about your body.
• 32:50And I want you to
• 32:50take a moment to breathe
• 32:51and let that sink in.
• 32:52Like,
• 32:54your body is not wrong,
• 32:55but you were told it
• 32:56was because I could make
• 32:57money off of your body
• 32:58feeling wrong.
• 33:01Think of everything you've ever
• 33:02bought
• 33:04to self care and feel
• 33:06good
• 33:08so that you could ignore
• 33:10how you actually felt about
• 33:11your body or in your
• 33:12body.
• 33:15I'm, like, literally looking around
• 33:16my own room, and I'm
• 33:17like, more stuff I have
• 33:18to get rid of now.
• 33:21I'm sure if you look
• 33:21around your house at the
• 33:22end of this, you'll see
• 33:23that
• 33:24that doesn't mean everything you
• 33:26do is wrong. It doesn't
• 33:27mean that all of it
• 33:27is wrong. It it just
• 33:29means we are we are
• 33:30constantly tricked.
• 33:33And that's why being in
• 33:34a body is so hard
• 33:35because if you already have
• 33:36trauma and you already can't
• 33:37access what you need,
• 33:39and now you're told you're
• 33:40wrong all the time, what's
• 33:41gonna happen?
• 33:43And I was really sick
• 33:44of being personally in a
• 33:46space where
• 33:48I felt wrong all the
• 33:49time
• 33:51for existing. None of us
• 33:52should feel wrong for existing.
• 33:53None of us asked to
• 33:54be here in the first
• 33:55place.
• 33:57And like I've been saying,
• 33:58this really taught me how
• 33:59insidious capitalism is and how
• 34:01it's really designed to oppress
• 34:02us
• 34:03until we can't breathe or
• 34:04see ourselves.
• 34:06And I think that that's
• 34:07really important is
• 34:09we we live in a
• 34:11world that if you could
• 34:12see yourself the way I
• 34:13see each of you right
• 34:14now as I, like, scroll
• 34:15through your little pictures.
• 34:16And I could say so
• 34:17many nice things about the
• 34:18faces that I see because
• 34:19I just think every human
• 34:20being is truly amazing.
• 34:25Imagine how much easier life
• 34:26would be.
• 34:29And life's not easy,
• 34:32so I wanted to figure
• 34:33out how to make mine
• 34:34a little easier.
• 34:36And so in this work,
• 34:38I learned a lot about
• 34:39diet culture. For anyone that's
• 34:41heard me talk at, like,
• 34:41more clinical talks, they know
• 34:43that I just will go
• 34:44on and on about this
• 34:45four, six hours if you
• 34:46let me.
• 34:47And this is the clinical
• 34:49definition, but what I basically
• 34:50tell people is diet culture
• 34:51is the thing that tells
• 34:52you that your body is
• 34:53wrong. You buy a thing,
• 34:54it will make you healthy.
• 34:55It will make your body
• 34:56worthy, and everyone will love
• 34:58you and you'll love yourself.
• 35:01Eat the food, take the
• 35:02supplement, do the diet, go
• 35:04to the gym, do the
• 35:05thing.
• 35:06And my favorite part is
• 35:08diet culture is so often
• 35:10sold to us as self
• 35:11care.
• 35:14So
• 35:16you buy the diet pill
• 35:17because you're going to get
• 35:19smaller and healthier and you're
• 35:20taking care of yourself.
• 35:22Right?
• 35:23I think that's kind of
• 35:24the usual thing we come
• 35:25up against.
• 35:26Now I'm also a proponent
• 35:27in bodily autonomy. You do
• 35:29what you want with your
• 35:30body, how you want it.
• 35:31That is absolutely not my
• 35:32business, but I care about
• 35:33you.
• 35:34And I do not think
• 35:35you need to go buy
• 35:36that diet pill in CVS
• 35:38or deny yourself the food
• 35:39that you want
• 35:40or deny yourself the experience
• 35:42that will make life worth
• 35:43it
• 35:46because
• 35:47a culture told you to.
• 35:49I also have a really
• 35:50hard time listening, so I
• 35:52think our culture was kind
• 35:53of screwed when it came
• 35:54to me to begin with.
• 35:58So I offer everyone these
• 36:00questions because these are the
• 36:01questions that I used to
• 36:03help myself recover in my
• 36:05own journey.
• 36:07You can have the slides
• 36:08so you can have them.
• 36:08I don't expect you all
• 36:09to sit here and just
• 36:10ponder them now.
• 36:14But the first thing I've
• 36:15always asked myself, especially,
• 36:18in moments, and I know
• 36:19we all have them, these
• 36:20moments where I'm like, I'm
• 36:21not gonna eat today.
• 36:22That's everyone in my life's
• 36:24favorite version of me is
• 36:26the version that wakes up
• 36:27and goes, yesterday felt really
• 36:28traumatic. I'm not doing this.
• 36:31And I have to ask
• 36:32myself how
• 36:34has diet culture
• 36:36and oppression harmed me.
• 36:39I know how it's harmed
• 36:40all of us. I can
• 36:40stand up for all of
• 36:41you, but looking at yourself
• 36:42is often harder.
• 36:45And and my response is
• 36:46often the response most people
• 36:48have, which is it told
• 36:49me I was wrong.
• 36:52And I spent, I think,
• 36:53the first eighteen years of
• 36:54my life
• 36:55chronically suicidal
• 36:57in an eating disorder,
• 36:59unable to connect with who
• 37:00I really was
• 37:01because I felt like my
• 37:03existence was wrong.
• 37:07And I would challenge
• 37:08anybody that comes to anything
• 37:10like this to tell me
• 37:11they've never felt that way.
• 37:14And so when I'm able
• 37:15to tap into the my
• 37:17existence is wrong,
• 37:19I'm able to understand that
• 37:20when I talk about that,
• 37:21I'm talking about my body
• 37:23like that, that my body
• 37:24doesn't belong here.
• 37:27And if my body doesn't
• 37:27belong here, I don't belong
• 37:29here.
• 37:30And then I'm eighteen again.
• 37:33And then I'm active in
• 37:34an eating disorder, and I'm
• 37:35chronically suicidal again, and
• 37:38I'm not the person that
• 37:39I wanna be.
• 37:42And then I think of
• 37:44the thing that therapists say
• 37:45when they are therapists to
• 37:46other therapists.
• 37:48What would you say to
• 37:49your client
• 37:51if you were your client?
• 37:52Go away. I hate that
• 37:53question. And
• 37:55how would you talk about
• 37:56other people
• 37:59if you were not you?
• 38:01And I would never talk
• 38:02to somebody or about somebody
• 38:03the way I talk about
• 38:04myself. I'm sure that's true
• 38:05for a lot of us.
• 38:09And I'd be
• 38:10asked, how do I judge
• 38:11myself compared to how I
• 38:13judge other people?
• 38:16And the lesson I learned
• 38:17there is if I don't
• 38:18treat my body like it's
• 38:19one of you in those
• 38:20really difficult times,
• 38:23it's gonna be really bad.
• 38:25So when I love each
• 38:27of you, I also love
• 38:28myself.
• 38:32And that's part of that
• 38:33body liberation is when I
• 38:34love everyone in their bodies
• 38:36around me, I learn to
• 38:37love myself in relation to
• 38:38other people
• 38:39because
• 38:40this cannot be done on
• 38:41its own.
• 38:46And this is where
• 38:49the art and self care
• 38:50and all of these pieces
• 38:51can finally come together.
• 38:56So this is the real
• 38:57love of my life.
• 38:59I love a good piece
• 39:00of art on the side
• 39:01of a building in downtown
• 39:02New Haven that everyone thinks
• 39:03shouldn't be there, but it
• 39:04belongs there.
• 39:07I love those messages.
• 39:10So
• 39:11I'm sure a lot of
• 39:12you can examine yourselves and
• 39:14realize this, but I say
• 39:15to everybody,
• 39:16my body is political, especially
• 39:17in our current political climate.
• 39:22We live in
• 39:24incredibly horrific times where we're
• 39:25all trying to manage some
• 39:26level of recovery and support
• 39:28other people, and we have
• 39:29an election in November. And
• 39:31depending upon who wins will
• 39:32depend upon whether or not
• 39:33I get to live.
• 39:35And it will depend upon
• 39:36whether or not a lot
• 39:37of you get to live.
• 39:39Our bodies are the most
• 39:40political things about us, especially
• 39:43if your identities are really
• 39:46visual for people.
• 39:47And I had to make
• 39:48an intentional choice
• 39:50when I came out and
• 39:51started my own journey in
• 39:53my body about was I
• 39:54going to be this version
• 39:55of me or the version
• 39:56of me that would keep
• 39:57me safe but miserable.
• 39:58And I chose the version
• 39:59of me that was authentic
• 40:01knowing that I was actually
• 40:02making some potentially dangerous choices.
• 40:05And so I don't judge
• 40:06people for and the ways
• 40:07in which we have to
• 40:08hide ourselves to feel safe.
• 40:10However, your body is also
• 40:12political.
• 40:15However, and people hear me
• 40:17say this a lot, we
• 40:18also deserve to be witnessed
• 40:20rather than perceived.
• 40:24And for me,
• 40:26witnessing is the same thing
• 40:27as looking at a piece
• 40:28of art when you look
• 40:29at a person.
• 40:33It's my it honestly, it's
• 40:34my favorite thing to do.
• 40:37Perceived excuse me. Perceived means
• 40:39that
• 40:41I am projecting
• 40:42the story I'm making up
• 40:44in my head about you
• 40:45onto you until I make
• 40:46it true, and then I
• 40:48make a judgment about you.
• 40:50But when I witness you,
• 40:52you get to just exist
• 40:53and be held.
• 40:55And who doesn't want that?
• 40:56Who doesn't wanna be allowed
• 40:58to exist
• 40:59and be held?
• 41:01We deserve that,
• 41:03and we deserve to be
• 41:04heard.
• 41:05And to me, that's the
• 41:06beautiful thing about spaces like
• 41:07this is you're gonna listen
• 41:09to me talk for a
• 41:09little a little more, and
• 41:11then I wanna hear you
• 41:12talk
• 41:13because you deserve to be
• 41:14heard and your body deserves
• 41:15to be in this space.
• 41:17And I would often argue
• 41:19that
• 41:20we have to force people
• 41:21to see us to unlearn
• 41:22the oppression of this oppression
• 41:24of society
• 41:25that makes us all really
• 41:27unwell.
• 41:29And
• 41:31part of my body journey
• 41:33with art and activism
• 41:34started when
• 41:36a friend of mine started
• 41:37tattooing, and she gave me
• 41:38this tattoo in honor of
• 41:39my mom. My mom is
• 41:40still alive, but she has
• 41:41dementia, and
• 41:43I almost relapsed really hard
• 41:45when I could no longer
• 41:46have those conversations with her
• 41:47anymore. I get, like, a
• 41:48little teary eyed when I
• 41:49talk about it,
• 41:51because she's my best friend,
• 41:52and I love her.
• 41:54And her body is here,
• 41:55and the version of her
• 41:56isn't. And
• 41:58she gave me this tattoo,
• 41:59and she cried while she
• 42:01was doing it. I cried
• 42:02while she was doing it.
• 42:03It was a very long
• 42:04day.
• 42:06And
• 42:07when we were done, she
• 42:09said you should write down
• 42:10all of the stories
• 42:11that you never wanna forget.
• 42:13And as I started writing
• 42:15down those stories, she started
• 42:16giving me more tattoos.
• 42:20My body is every story
• 42:21that's ever mattered,
• 42:24and I needed that. I
• 42:25don't think everybody needs that.
• 42:27I needed that as an
• 42:28artist, as an art activist,
• 42:29as an art therapist. I
• 42:30I needed to know
• 42:32that no matter what happened
• 42:33to me, those stories were
• 42:34always going to be with
• 42:35me in the way that
• 42:36I wanted them to.
• 42:37And I think we each
• 42:38get to make meaning of
• 42:39how we want that to
• 42:40look.
• 42:45Part of why
• 42:47I really think that art
• 42:48is political is because it
• 42:50documents our narrative and our
• 42:51culture and our experiences.
• 42:55World War two is always
• 42:56my favorite example as a
• 42:58Jewish person
• 43:01and as a queer person
• 43:02and as a disabled person
• 43:04because,
• 43:05you know,
• 43:06World War two.
• 43:08So one of the
• 43:10missions
• 43:11of the Nazis was to
• 43:12actually go around and collect
• 43:13all of the artwork that
• 43:14would document culture and not
• 43:16just Jewish culture,
• 43:18culture of anybody that wasn't
• 43:20white and queer culture
• 43:22and have it burned.
• 43:23Because once you burn art,
• 43:25you burn culture.
• 43:28And it was not successful.
• 43:34And this is why there
• 43:35was this movement that changed
• 43:37in the art world where
• 43:38it was no longer, how
• 43:39do I learn to paint
• 43:40a person?
• 43:41I never learned to paint
• 43:43a person. I have no
• 43:43desire to paint you.
• 43:46I can't make you any
• 43:47better than you are,
• 43:49but I can make art
• 43:50that
• 43:51is a visual representation
• 43:52of something that makes you
• 43:54think.
• 43:56And so I did a
• 43:57lot of research on this.
• 43:58I really cared about this
• 43:59very deeply. And so when
• 44:00I was in school to
• 44:01become an art therapist, I
• 44:02researched
• 44:03political art making specifically
• 44:05for those of us that
• 44:06do this work, whether you're
• 44:07a therapist or a peer
• 44:09mentor or a coach.
• 44:10Right? But, like, if we
• 44:11all experience burnout and compassion
• 44:14fatigue and vicarious trauma, how
• 44:15do we care for ourselves?
• 44:17How do we manage that?
• 44:18That's hard.
• 44:20I don't know about you
• 44:21all, but I will sit
• 44:22with people whose stories are
• 44:23so similar to mine. It's
• 44:25like watching myself suffer from
• 44:27the outside,
• 44:28and that can be really
• 44:29difficult.
• 44:31And so
• 44:33I wanted to find a
• 44:34way to
• 44:36both survive and heal and
• 44:38help others do the same.
• 44:39And so I began
• 44:40searching for political artists and
• 44:42their messages and witnessing their
• 44:44process
• 44:45and then came up with
• 44:46my own protocol and ran
• 44:47a research study, and I
• 44:48proved that it works.
• 44:50Happy to send anybody the
• 44:51article, but I proved artworks.
• 44:53Political art will be part
• 44:55of your self care, and
• 44:56you will be able to
• 44:58have less vicarious trauma as
• 44:59a result.
• 45:01And to me, that was,
• 45:02like, the best thing like,
• 45:03forget academics. Like, that was
• 45:05just the best thing I
• 45:06ever figured out because it
• 45:07affirmed for me that the
• 45:09survival I had figured out
• 45:10at such a young age
• 45:11was actually really correct and
• 45:12an intuitive process
• 45:14could at least be proven
• 45:15enough that no one could
• 45:16tell us not to do
• 45:17it anymore.
• 45:18Because don't you love that
• 45:19when you find out some
• 45:20self care that works and
• 45:21everyone tells you not to
• 45:22do it?
• 45:25So I thought I would
• 45:26share some activist art with
• 45:27you all.
• 45:29This is this is from
• 45:30the Berlin Wall,
• 45:32which no longer exists. Thank
• 45:34you.
• 45:35And,
• 45:37I couldn't find the image.
• 45:38I was trying to find
• 45:39it. I'm sure someone will
• 45:40if they Google it, but
• 45:41a lot of famous artists,
• 45:42including Keith Haring, actually came
• 45:44and painted on the wall
• 45:45very purposefully
• 45:46because they wanted to give
• 45:47these messages
• 45:49of hope and messages
• 45:51about anti
• 45:53anti oppression during an oppressive
• 45:55time where truly, like, we
• 45:56let a government literally build
• 45:58a wall,
• 45:59which,
• 46:00I mean,
• 46:01is still happening.
• 46:04It hasn't changed. It just
• 46:05changed where it's happening.
• 46:07We need to keep painting
• 46:09on walls.
• 46:14Oh, there's Stonewall,
• 46:16and this is one of
• 46:17the murals near Stonewall.
• 46:19Welcome to pride month. I
• 46:20can't help myself.
• 46:22And it's my favorite quote,
• 46:24and I'm glad that it's
• 46:25painted somewhere, which was give
• 46:26us our roses while we're
• 46:28still here.
• 46:30You all deserve that and
• 46:31so do I.
• 46:34You deserve to paint on
• 46:35sides of buildings, and you
• 46:37deserve your accolades and your
• 46:38love and to be in
• 46:39your body while you're still
• 46:40here because this time is
• 46:42short and nothing is guaranteed.
• 46:45And I think that's, for
• 46:46me, the crux of what
• 46:47I think is important, oh,
• 46:48sorry, about recovery is that
• 46:51your time is short.
• 46:53We have to do it
• 46:54while we're here, and we
• 46:55have to be with each
• 46:55other while we're here.
• 47:02So this all comes into
• 47:03self care. Right? So
• 47:06my body is liberated.
• 47:07I learned how to make
• 47:08political art. I proved some
• 47:09stuff in a research paper.
• 47:11Now what?
• 47:13So because political art became
• 47:15my window to self care,
• 47:16it actually really woke me
• 47:18up to the reality of
• 47:19self care. And I say
• 47:20this not to judge anybody's
• 47:22self care practices.
• 47:24Please keep doing what works
• 47:25for you.
• 47:26However, I think it's important
• 47:28that if we're talking about
• 47:29this, that we really talk
• 47:30about it. Right?
• 47:32There's actually a cultural corruption
• 47:33of wellness that diet culture
• 47:35and capitalist
• 47:37self care happens. Right? So
• 47:40wellness is important.
• 47:42Our health is important.
• 47:44But, again, we figured out
• 47:45how to label things as
• 47:46self care to make money
• 47:47off of them. So how
• 47:49many of you have been
• 47:50told to treat yourself as
• 47:51a means of self care?
• 47:54I hate that phrase
• 47:56so much.
• 47:58So much.
• 47:59Because what you're oh, someone's
• 48:01raising their hand. Please unmute
• 48:03yourself and ask.
• 48:06Oh, I've I wasn't raising
• 48:07my hand to, like, say
• 48:09that I want wanted to
• 48:10speak. It's more so I
• 48:11was just saying I agree
• 48:12with what you're saying. Okay.
• 48:14I was like, oh, if
• 48:14you need something,
• 48:16thank you.
• 48:20I I hate that phrase
• 48:22because it implies
• 48:23that I don't take care
• 48:25of myself
• 48:26and that I need to
• 48:27go buy something to prove
• 48:28to everyone I'm taking care
• 48:29of myself.
• 48:31It also implies that I
• 48:33have the capital
• 48:35to spend money on something
• 48:36to take care of myself,
• 48:41which when I think of
• 48:42the average person I know
• 48:43that needs recovery on some
• 48:44level
• 48:46yeah. Okay.
• 48:48But it's it's not accessible.
• 48:52I'm the first one to
• 48:53say to people, I love
• 48:54getting my nails done. A
• 48:56massage is really nice when
• 48:57you can afford it,
• 48:59and it's sometimes needed depending
• 49:01upon your body or a
• 49:02disability flare up. I'm someone
• 49:04that, like, specifically needs it
• 49:05and insurance won't cover it,
• 49:07so I figure out extra
• 49:08work to pay for it.
• 49:09Not everyone has the ability
• 49:11to do extra work to
• 49:12pay for it. That's one
• 49:12of my privileges because I'm
• 49:14licensed and I talk a
• 49:15bunch.
• 49:17I get to do this,
• 49:18and people pay me, and
• 49:19then I can go take
• 49:20care of myself with those
• 49:21things that cost money. And
• 49:23the problem with that is
• 49:24that capitalism actually depends on
• 49:25us perpetuating the corruption of
• 49:27self care so that we're
• 49:28continually buying into new things
• 49:30that make us feel better.
• 49:31And then our worth is
• 49:32in the things that make
• 49:33us feel better and not
• 49:34in the people.
• 49:36Some of my best self
• 49:37care is meeting each of
• 49:39you,
• 49:40is talking about these things,
• 49:42is
• 49:43when friends come over and
• 49:44make art, is when people
• 49:46come and view my art,
• 49:48is when
• 49:50I get to do talks
• 49:51like this instead of something
• 49:52super clinical for six hours.
• 49:55Right? To me, this moment,
• 49:56this is the the best
• 49:58self care in the world.
• 49:59You all showing up, that's
• 50:00self care.
• 50:02Right? So
• 50:03why would I go out
• 50:04after this
• 50:05and buy something when I
• 50:07can be with you?
• 50:09Because you are more important
• 50:11than whatever I could buy.
• 50:19So because wellness is corrupted,
• 50:21we will keep continuing continually
• 50:23feeling burnt out and isolated.
• 50:26And we're going to struggle
• 50:27alone in our isolation,
• 50:29and we're going to feel
• 50:30silenced. And I know everyone's
• 50:31recovery is different, but I'm
• 50:33sure this is true for
• 50:34most people. What happens when
• 50:35you're isolated?
• 50:38I know I relapse. If
• 50:40I'm isolated, that's it.
• 50:43And everyone's relapse looks different.
• 50:45Mine usually looks like I
• 50:46don't eat for a day,
• 50:47and then it becomes really
• 50:48easy again.
• 50:49And then even though I'm
• 50:50disabled, I will push myself
• 50:51through the pain to work
• 50:52out a bunch because that
• 50:54was my thing was to
• 50:55not eat and work out
• 50:56a ton,
• 50:58and then abuse alcohol at
• 50:59night to go out with
• 51:00friends because then alcohol makes
• 51:02you loose enough so you'll
• 51:03eat.
• 51:04See? It all is full
• 51:05circle.
• 51:07Right? So now now I've
• 51:08got an eating disorder. Now
• 51:10I'm abusing a substance that's
• 51:11going to become a problem,
• 51:14And I'm incredibly unwell, and
• 51:16it just took two or
• 51:17three days of isolation and
• 51:18complete loneliness.
• 51:24So
• 51:25I felt like I was
• 51:26failing before I unlearned this,
• 51:27and so I think it's
• 51:28really important for people to
• 51:29hear, like, keep keep getting
• 51:31the massage, keep doing your
• 51:32nails, keep doing those solid
• 51:34things that keep you grounded
• 51:36for right now
• 51:37while you're unlearning
• 51:39so you don't fall apart.
• 51:40Because I don't want you
• 51:41to fall apart because I
• 51:42need you because you're all
• 51:43a part of my self
• 51:44care now. So you have
• 51:46to be okay, and I
• 51:47have to be okay.
• 51:49I know we often say
• 51:50rest is revolutionary.
• 51:51Right? I hear that a
• 51:52lot. And then I'm like,
• 51:53well, if you paid my
• 51:54bills, I could rest all
• 51:55I wanted.
• 51:59I would love I would
• 52:00love a nap, but, you
• 52:01know,
• 52:03electric company doesn't get paid
• 52:04in naps, unfortunately.
• 52:07So
• 52:10how do we do that
• 52:11when our questions about rest
• 52:12will often include
• 52:14things like and these are
• 52:15my favorite things that people
• 52:16have said to me, and
• 52:17it makes me nuts. How
• 52:18about booking a vacation? Okay.
• 52:19You're gonna pay for it?
• 52:23I should travel more. I
• 52:24I would love to money.
• 52:26Ask for help.
• 52:28Is your help safe?
• 52:31I'll give you the name
• 52:32of a great massage therapist.
• 52:34No. You know what? Here's
• 52:36my thing.
• 52:37Don't say that to people
• 52:38if you don't know what
• 52:39their body's been through. That's
• 52:40another piece of this. Trauma
• 52:41will always run through all
• 52:42of this for me.
• 52:44And maybe you should slow
• 52:45down with work for a
• 52:46little bit. Everyone says that
• 52:47to me. I think most
• 52:48of you that have seen
• 52:49me talk I know, Sherry,
• 52:50you've seen me a few
• 52:51times. We all know I
• 52:51work way too much.
• 52:53Right? And like I said,
• 52:55you wanna know why? Because
• 52:55this is my self care.
• 52:56This is when I feel
• 52:57my best.
• 53:00It is. I love this,
• 53:01but
• 53:04this is what we're up
• 53:04against. So here's art. You
• 53:06can make art almost for
• 53:07free. I can teach you
• 53:08how to go to a
• 53:09dumpster and get you everything
• 53:11you need to make the
• 53:12most amazing art. I can
• 53:13teach you how to go
• 53:14to a junkyard
• 53:15and make the most incredible
• 53:17sculpture. You can do it
• 53:18for free, and here is
• 53:19everybody telling me to buy,
• 53:21buy, buy.
• 53:24So now my body is
• 53:25not good enough. I don't
• 53:26have enough money, and you
• 53:27don't want me to do
• 53:27the thing I wanna do.
• 53:28And also, by the way,
• 53:29stay in recovery. By the
• 53:30way, can you please be
• 53:31happy and smile?
• 53:35No.
• 53:36I can't do all that.
• 53:38So instead, I'm gonna make
• 53:39political art, and I'm gonna
• 53:40make you see the truth
• 53:42until you stop asking me
• 53:44these questions.
• 53:49Oh, no. Go back.
• 53:52So like I was saying,
• 53:53each of these questions often
• 53:54made me feel like I
• 53:55was failing.
• 53:56And, again, when we say
• 53:57rest is revolutionary, what do
• 53:59we do in a sociopolitical
• 54:00climate where we're constantly hypervigilant?
• 54:05You know, I I
• 54:07so appreciated
• 54:08Kelvin starting this
• 54:12the way that you did
• 54:13because my nervous system literally
• 54:15could just listen to that
• 54:16all day every day
• 54:18because
• 54:19we're all constantly
• 54:21in that fight, fright, fleas
• 54:23freeze, fawn stage because of
• 54:25the culture that we're in.
• 54:26Like, there's no choice. My
• 54:28body is constantly on edge.
• 54:30And so for me, this
• 54:31is where body liberation and
• 54:32activist art became that saving
• 54:34grace. I could understand my
• 54:36body and my body's worth.
• 54:37I could understand how to
• 54:39take care of it, and
• 54:40I could understand how to
• 54:41specifically do that through something
• 54:43that made me feel happy,
• 54:45made me feel witnessed,
• 54:47and made me feel like
• 54:48I was contributing to the
• 54:49world in a way that
• 54:50wasn't always me showing up
• 54:51and talking.
• 54:52Right? And that wasn't always
• 54:54my body being on the
• 54:55line.
• 54:56And so for me, every
• 54:57painting and sculpture that I
• 54:59make becomes a release of
• 55:00that.
• 55:01There's a little bit of
• 55:02trauma left behind in every
• 55:04painting and in every sculpture,
• 55:05and it's held there, and
• 55:06I don't have to hold
• 55:07it anymore.
• 55:10So I always say to
• 55:11people, I'm a recovering anger
• 55:13addict more than anything.
• 55:15I've spent so long being
• 55:17angry,
• 55:18and I think that my
• 55:19eating disorder and
• 55:21my eating disorder exercise
• 55:22party
• 55:23cycle was all a part
• 55:25of that.
• 55:27And when I was finally
• 55:29able to use this art
• 55:30to let go and discover
• 55:31why I was angry
• 55:33and challenge my thoughts and
• 55:34feel the pain of my
• 55:35experience,
• 55:37that was when things really
• 55:38became liberated
• 55:39because
• 55:41and I hate the saying,
• 55:41but most therapists are right,
• 55:43and it annoys me.
• 55:44Anger is the surface feeling.
• 55:46All the pain is underneath.
• 55:49I am so sorry to
• 55:50all of you and every
• 55:51client that's ever heard that
• 55:52for me. It's true, and
• 55:53I hate it.
• 55:54I know it from my
• 55:55own experience.
• 55:59So like I've been saying,
• 56:00my art really became a
• 56:01way for me to see
• 56:01myself and forth force others
• 56:03to see my truth. And
• 56:05I think my favorite thing
• 56:07about personally, like, living near
• 56:09New Haven is going to
• 56:10see our local artists
• 56:13and getting to see their
• 56:14truth. And so when I
• 56:15can't make this art, I
• 56:16can see theirs,
• 56:17and I can see new
• 56:18windows of how I wanna
• 56:19see the world and myself.
• 56:22And so this became and
• 56:23continues to be, for me,
• 56:25no greater self care than
• 56:27being witnessed on my terms.
• 56:28So that's the other thing.
• 56:30When you do this, it's
• 56:31your terms.
• 56:33When you do this in
• 56:34your peer support, you're seeing
• 56:35people through their terms,
• 56:37and that's really important.
• 56:39Look. I love being a
• 56:40therapist. I love therapy, but
• 56:41let's face it. Not every
• 56:42therapist runs a session on
• 56:44the client's terms.
• 56:46Not many recovery centers, at
• 56:48least the ones I've worked
• 56:49in, function based on what's
• 56:50the client's terms.
• 56:53I'm the first person to
• 56:54be like, I would be
• 56:55called maladaptive.
• 56:57I would be called noncompliant.
• 57:00Right? I would be told
• 57:01that I didn't take my
• 57:02recovery seriously,
• 57:03and none of those are
• 57:04true.
• 57:07I strive to make people
• 57:08uncomfortable with my art.
• 57:11I want people to be
• 57:12uncomfortable. I haven't put my
• 57:14uncomfortable art in this slideshow
• 57:15because I don't think you
• 57:16all need that, but I
• 57:17think there are certain people
• 57:18in the world that do.
• 57:20I just did a talk
• 57:21somewhere else on on my
• 57:23artwork, and I had some
• 57:24sculptures. And I do these
• 57:25sculptures with mannequins, and I
• 57:27as the person saying, I
• 57:28mutilated the female form. No.
• 57:30I did not. I resculptured
• 57:32the idea of what a
• 57:34body is.
• 57:36And this
• 57:37cis hetero white man who
• 57:39makes high six figures and
• 57:40runs a treatment center was
• 57:42not very happy with me
• 57:44and the way I presented
• 57:45the body.
• 57:46And when I was asked
• 57:47how I felt about his
• 57:48discomfort, I said good.
• 57:50That was my only answer.
• 57:51Good.
• 57:52I'm glad
• 57:54because you had to see
• 57:55my body. You had to
• 57:56witness the pain and joy
• 57:57of being queer and trans
• 57:59and disabled and fat and
• 58:02daily holding spaces for people
• 58:04with more marginalization
• 58:06than myself, far more,
• 58:08and holding that pain and
• 58:10trying to create a world
• 58:11that is worthy of us.
• 58:13So good. Be uncomfortable. Go
• 58:15out there and make people
• 58:16uncomfortable.
• 58:17I make people uncomfortable every
• 58:18day when I sit in
• 58:19a coffee shop, so, like,
• 58:20let's go for it because
• 58:22that's not us.
• 58:24And so for me, this
• 58:26is self care is also
• 58:28challenging our system and our
• 58:29client our climate
• 58:31because
• 58:33I shouldn't need to change
• 58:34to survive.
• 58:38Our climate tells me I
• 58:39need to change to survive
• 58:40and that you do too,
• 58:41and I'm not tolerating that.
• 58:44I'm not.
• 58:48So here's the best part.
• 58:49True self care happens in
• 58:51community,
• 58:52which means we just did
• 58:54it.
• 58:55Yay. We that's all you
• 58:57did it.
• 58:59Like, that's the best part.
• 59:00You showed up and you
• 59:01did it.
• 59:02So I always say ask
• 59:04clients what if instead of
• 59:05a manicure, a friend made
• 59:06you dinner?
• 59:08Isn't it really wonderful when
• 59:10you've had the hardest day
• 59:11ever and, like, you haven't
• 59:12been able to go grocery
• 59:13shopping and you're overwhelmed and
• 59:15overworked and your bank account
• 59:17doesn't look great? And, like,
• 59:18a friend was like, I
• 59:19thought I'd stop by and
• 59:20bring you dinner.
• 59:25There's something about that that,
• 59:26like, just makes my soul
• 59:28so happy.
• 59:31And anyone that's a friend
• 59:32of mine in my life
• 59:33will tell you if I
• 59:34come to your house, I'm
• 59:35bringing you cookies,
• 59:37and
• 59:38I'm not going to let
• 59:40you take care of me.
• 59:40I'm gonna make you sit
• 59:41down and eat one with
• 59:43me and have that moment
• 59:44of feeling what it feels
• 59:46like to know someone cares
• 59:47for you.
• 59:49Or what if our colleagues
• 59:50offered to help with our
• 59:51paperwork when we're burnt out?
• 59:55I'm not kidding.
• 59:57Have I had a colleague
• 59:58do that for me? One
• 59:59or two, they're still some
• 59:59of my closest friends from
• 01:00:01when I worked in treatment
• 01:00:04because someone could see.
• 01:00:06Right? And and, again, that
• 01:00:08witnessing, they could witness that
• 01:00:09process and go, oh, this
• 01:00:10is what someone needs.
• 01:00:12Or what if a friend
• 01:00:13sits with you just to
• 01:00:14be silent? Maybe you watch
• 01:00:15a movie or you just
• 01:00:17enjoy the peace and quiet
• 01:00:18and just are together.
• 01:00:21I know in my lowest
• 01:00:23moments in the last year
• 01:00:24where, like, transphobia was just
• 01:00:26like the word of the
• 01:00:26day in my life,
• 01:00:28I didn't relapse because people
• 01:00:29showed up and sat with
• 01:00:30me in silence because I
• 01:00:31just couldn't even talk. I
• 01:00:33couldn't watch a movie. I
• 01:00:34just needed someone to sit
• 01:00:35with me, maybe hold my
• 01:00:37hand, maybe not. You know,
• 01:00:38trauma means I don't always
• 01:00:39want someone in my physical
• 01:00:40space,
• 01:00:43But the people that did
• 01:00:44that are the people that
• 01:00:45I
• 01:00:46would trust with my actual
• 01:00:48life in a life or
• 01:00:49death situation any day because
• 01:00:51they saw a need and
• 01:00:52they showed up, and that's
• 01:00:53why we need this community.
• 01:00:56Because tonight, if you all
• 01:00:58decide to email me and
• 01:00:59you need someone to show
• 01:01:00up and you live within
• 01:01:02two hours, I'm showing up.
• 01:01:06And I'll bring you cookies,
• 01:01:08and I'll be silent
• 01:01:10unless you really want me
• 01:01:11to talk. I'm really good
• 01:01:12at that.
• 01:01:14So
• 01:01:16what if self care wasn't
• 01:01:17this solitary experience based on
• 01:01:19what we bought, but the
• 01:01:20that experience of being together
• 01:01:21and owning our narrative and
• 01:01:23creating things that document who
• 01:01:24we are.
• 01:01:31Oh,
• 01:01:32so this is it brings
• 01:01:33me all the way back
• 01:01:34to me and back to
• 01:01:35Frida,
• 01:01:36all the love of my
• 01:01:38life.
• 01:01:40She wanted to see herself
• 01:01:41and be seen, and she
• 01:01:43wanted to capture the complexity
• 01:01:45of who she was, and
• 01:01:46she wanted to feel better
• 01:01:47and feel whole and feel
• 01:01:48complete.
• 01:01:49And we all deserve that,
• 01:01:53And that's why I do
• 01:01:54this.
• 01:01:56And the secret of activist
• 01:01:58art is
• 01:02:00there's no protocol.
• 01:02:02I can't give you directions.
• 01:02:05There's there's no
• 01:02:07book.
• 01:02:08You can get some political
• 01:02:09art therapy books if you're
• 01:02:11interested in, like, the clinical
• 01:02:12side,
• 01:02:13but
• 01:02:14activist art is
• 01:02:16I watched a debate and
• 01:02:18pissed me off because, apparently,
• 01:02:19I'm not allowed to exist.
• 01:02:20So here's my message on
• 01:02:21a canvas, on a sculpture.
• 01:02:23I know graffiti is technically
• 01:02:25illegal. However,
• 01:02:27the side of a building,
• 01:02:30the side of a wall,
• 01:02:32a wall in your house.
• 01:02:33I actually worked with a
• 01:02:34client once whose parents really
• 01:02:35embrace this, and they got
• 01:02:36a wall.
• 01:02:38A seventeen year old little
• 01:02:39trans mean. They got a
• 01:02:40wall in their house where
• 01:02:41they got to, like, really
• 01:02:43go for it
• 01:02:47because it works.
• 01:02:52So I wanna us to
• 01:02:54have time for questions, and
• 01:02:55I wanna be able to
• 01:02:56talk to with all of
• 01:02:56you. So I want you
• 01:02:57to please remember that your
• 01:02:58story matters more than you
• 01:03:00may ever realize
• 01:03:01and that your survival matters
• 01:03:03because without you, the world
• 01:03:04would be a worse place
• 01:03:06because your self care matters
• 01:03:07because we need to start
• 01:03:08shifting to do this in
• 01:03:10our community together
• 01:03:11because our culture is wrong
• 01:03:12about our bodies, and your
• 01:03:14body matters and is proof
• 01:03:15that you're here. And most
• 01:03:17of all, now that you've
• 01:03:18met me, you're loved because
• 01:03:19I love you,
• 01:03:21every part of you, just
• 01:03:22for existing.
• 01:03:26Sherry, we always cry when
• 01:03:27we're in training together. What's
• 01:03:28that about?
• 01:03:32There's so many messages here.
• 01:03:34I can't read them all.
• 01:03:36You make me cry. We
• 01:03:37all need to hear those
• 01:03:38beautiful messages. Thank you so
• 01:03:40much. Oh, great.
• 01:03:44So I wanna open this
• 01:03:45not, like, just for questions,
• 01:03:48but just, like
• 01:03:50like, what do you all
• 01:03:51think? And, like, what do
• 01:03:52you wanna do with this?
• 01:03:53Like,
• 01:03:55where are we?
• 01:04:03And feel free to unmute
• 01:04:04yourself if you have a
• 01:04:05question. We're a small enough
• 01:04:06cozy group, or put something
• 01:04:08in the chat, and I
• 01:04:09think Annette will help
• 01:04:11facilitate as well.
• 01:04:13Mhmm. I'm trying to
• 01:04:15I'm trying to scroll through
• 01:04:16and see if there's anything.
• 01:04:17There was there wasn't no
• 01:04:18question. There was a lot
• 01:04:19of comments. I was but
• 01:04:20you know what? I I
• 01:04:22this made me think of
• 01:04:23things differently too. Like
• 01:04:26so, like, as a kid
• 01:04:28growing up, right, like, how
• 01:04:29you're supposed to dress and
• 01:04:31look. Right? This Mhmm. Perfect.
• 01:04:33Right?
• 01:04:34And so, like, one of
• 01:04:35the things I always say
• 01:04:36to like, I have a
• 01:04:37six year old. I'm like,
• 01:04:38there's no such thing as
• 01:04:39perfect.
• 01:04:40Like, no. I don't wanna
• 01:04:41use gel on your hair
• 01:04:42to slick it back,
• 01:04:43so you have to be
• 01:04:44perfect. I don't want you
• 01:04:45to do that. Yeah. I
• 01:04:46don't want her to grow
• 01:04:47up
• 01:04:49with the stuff, the sayings,
• 01:04:50the subconsciousness,
• 01:04:51the fears,
• 01:04:53the insecurities that I did
• 01:04:55growing up. You know? Is
• 01:04:56this too short? Is this
• 01:04:57too long? You can't have
• 01:04:59this. You can't have that.
• 01:05:00Too many snacks. You know
• 01:05:01what I mean? Like, the
• 01:05:02weight, the this, the that,
• 01:05:03like,
• 01:05:05because of what it turned
• 01:05:07me into and and my
• 01:05:08process and my journey and
• 01:05:10the outlets that I chose.
• 01:05:11Right? That the eating disorder
• 01:05:14for eating because it was
• 01:05:15more comfortable
• 01:05:16at a certain point in
• 01:05:17my recovery to eat more.
• 01:05:19So you wouldn't look at
• 01:05:20me that much because
• 01:05:22when I wasn't in recovery,
• 01:05:23I had a different lifestyle,
• 01:05:24and I had to keep
• 01:05:25a different composure.
• 01:05:26You know what I mean?
• 01:05:27And I didn't want that
• 01:05:28attention in recovery. So, I
• 01:05:30mean, you had me just,
• 01:05:31like, look at things differently
• 01:05:33and and and, like, kinda
• 01:05:34make sense of it now.
• 01:05:36So I mean, for me,
• 01:05:37anyways.
• 01:05:38But so I agree with
• 01:05:39Sherry. If anybody wants to
• 01:05:40jump in and say stuff
• 01:05:41and then, you know,
• 01:05:45feel free. Hi, everyone. I
• 01:05:47just wanted to just add
• 01:05:48on to that.
• 01:05:50I also growing up, I
• 01:05:52recognize this now, but I
• 01:05:54spent
• 01:05:56most honestly,
• 01:05:57I wouldn't even say I
• 01:05:58fully recovered from my I
• 01:06:01haven't fully healed my relationship
• 01:06:02with food. That is something
• 01:06:04I is a work in
• 01:06:05progress. It's
• 01:06:07so easy to just
• 01:06:08flip into it. But,
• 01:06:11growing up specifically, it was
• 01:06:13definitely
• 01:06:13what I used to feel
• 01:06:16okay,
• 01:06:18because it was, like, after
• 01:06:19school. I was I was
• 01:06:20thinking about eating all day.
• 01:06:23Like, it was it's something
• 01:06:24that I would just I
• 01:06:25would just look so forward
• 01:06:26to just going home, getting
• 01:06:27to be alone, and finally
• 01:06:29feel safe and comfortable again,
• 01:06:31and that was
• 01:06:32food was my coping mechanism.
• 01:06:34And
• 01:06:35it just, like this is
• 01:06:37such an important and,
• 01:06:39I'm I'm so passionate about
• 01:06:40this topic because
• 01:06:42as I was growing up,
• 01:06:43you don't realize it because
• 01:06:44you're just a kid trying
• 01:06:45to cope, but there's so
• 01:06:47many other issues that start
• 01:06:49happening even from a health
• 01:06:52care view or others,
• 01:06:54and then the social stuff
• 01:06:55and the bullying and so
• 01:06:56forth. So,
• 01:06:58I just think it's
• 01:07:00it's nice to finally hear
• 01:07:01someone else also share their
• 01:07:03stories and
• 01:07:04glad to know that at
• 01:07:05least,
• 01:07:06it was not just, like,
• 01:07:07me.
• 01:07:08It's a lot of people
• 01:07:10unfortunately go through this, and
• 01:07:12food is their
• 01:07:14open mechanism in a way.
• 01:07:17I mean, eating disorders are
• 01:07:19the
• 01:07:20second deadliest mental illness after
• 01:07:22substance use.
• 01:07:24We hear about
• 01:07:26anorexia and thinner bodies. We
• 01:07:27don't talk about all the
• 01:07:28other eating disorders, but, statistically,
• 01:07:30anorexia is the least common,
• 01:07:31which means it's not the
• 01:07:33thin waste away version of
• 01:07:35people that's the one that's
• 01:07:36dying. It's the average person.
• 01:07:37It's us.
• 01:07:39And then when you put
• 01:07:39the two together,
• 01:07:41it's even harder, and they
• 01:07:42often
• 01:07:43at least a lot of
• 01:07:44the clients I have and
• 01:07:45have had and my own
• 01:07:46experiences, a lot of it
• 01:07:47often happens together.
• 01:07:49It's just professionals are not
• 01:07:51trained on these things. So
• 01:07:53our whole lives, we have
• 01:07:54things that are really missed.
• 01:08:03I just wanted to give
• 01:08:04my little two cents.
• 01:08:07I wasn't I didn't know
• 01:08:09really what to expect today.
• 01:08:10So,
• 01:08:11it's nice because it does
• 01:08:12feel like a free therapy
• 01:08:14session.
• 01:08:16And,
• 01:08:18eating is something that
• 01:08:20am I
• 01:08:22my value to food and,
• 01:08:24who I am valued myself
• 01:08:26is something that I've worked
• 01:08:27on been working on for
• 01:08:29a really long time. And
• 01:08:30I I think as being
• 01:08:32a person who is almost
• 01:08:34fifty,
• 01:08:35that I have really
• 01:08:39admired and taken on a
• 01:08:41lot of,
• 01:08:42advice and
• 01:08:46positive
• 01:08:47aspects of who how I
• 01:08:49feel
• 01:08:51by meeting and befriending younger
• 01:08:53people.
• 01:08:56I think that culturally, I
• 01:08:57am stuck
• 01:08:58in being raised
• 01:09:00in a certain time. And
• 01:09:04my mom was three hundred
• 01:09:05pounds, so dieting was every
• 01:09:07single part of our day
• 01:09:09all the time.
• 01:09:11Not for us necessarily, but
• 01:09:12it was just always in
• 01:09:13our landscape.
• 01:09:16And my sister has
• 01:09:18pretty severe body dysmorphia, and
• 01:09:20I guess I do too.
• 01:09:22So I just really enjoyed
• 01:09:24listening to you,
• 01:09:26and that
• 01:09:29I work
• 01:09:30not only in prevention, but
• 01:09:31I also work with,
• 01:09:34art students at an art
• 01:09:35studio.
• 01:09:36And one of the things
• 01:09:37that we really try to
• 01:09:39push is
• 01:09:42not productivity,
• 01:09:43but
• 01:09:45how to
• 01:09:47produce something inside of you.
• 01:09:48So they may take a
• 01:09:50class, and at the end
• 01:09:51of the week or the
• 01:09:52end of the session, they
• 01:09:53may not be bringing home
• 01:09:54a lot of stuff, but
• 01:09:55it's what they got out
• 01:09:56of, like, what when they
• 01:09:58were, like, in the room.
• 01:09:59So
• 01:10:01I just wanted to say
• 01:10:02that, and I'm really happy
• 01:10:03that I,
• 01:10:05did this today.
• 01:10:07I am too,
• 01:10:09and I love that.
• 01:10:10The whole the there's, like,
• 01:10:12an art therapy, like, catchphrase.
• 01:10:13It's the process, not the
• 01:10:15product. It's one of the
• 01:10:16few kitschy things that I'll
• 01:10:17take from the field.
• 01:10:19Yeah.
• 01:10:20Yeah. And I I want
• 01:10:22I I'm going to school
• 01:10:23right now to be a
• 01:10:23social worker. I wanted to
• 01:10:24be an art therapist. I
• 01:10:25just couldn't find a school
• 01:10:27that could
• 01:10:28fit into my life.
• 01:10:31One thing I forgot to
• 01:10:32say also is I did
• 01:10:33put in the chat that,
• 01:10:35Aubrey Gordon is a person
• 01:10:36that I really admire and
• 01:10:38follow.
• 01:10:40She and,
• 01:10:41this other writer, Michael Hobbs,
• 01:10:43do a podcast called maintenance
• 01:10:44phase, and it's, I think,
• 01:10:46in its, like, fourth year
• 01:10:47now.
• 01:10:49It's it's great. I love
• 01:10:50it. And,
• 01:10:52you can pick up anywhere
• 01:10:54you want, which is nice
• 01:10:55too.
• 01:10:58I'm glad you suggested that.
• 01:11:00It's one of my favorites.
• 01:11:01I send it to all
• 01:11:02of
• 01:11:03I wanna say clients, but
• 01:11:04I think I send it
• 01:11:04to everybody. I think I'm
• 01:11:05that friend that people are
• 01:11:06like, we get it.
• 01:11:08It's diet culture, capitalism. Cool.
• 01:11:12But I like what you
• 01:11:12what you wrote. They have
• 01:11:14gone so far into it
• 01:11:15that they're now debunking all
• 01:11:17of the intersections of how
• 01:11:18food and diets and bodies
• 01:11:20are playing out with all
• 01:11:21of the other marginalized identities
• 01:11:23that we have or experience
• 01:11:24in the world.
• 01:11:34Other thoughts?
• 01:11:39Things that come up.
• 01:11:40Anyone want a free therapy
• 01:11:42session afterwards because I've
• 01:11:46opened up too much?
• 01:11:53I think I I will
• 01:11:54jump in. I wanted to
• 01:11:55say thank you, Wednesday, so
• 01:11:56much for this presentation. This
• 01:11:58was so beautiful.
• 01:12:02I'm reflecting
• 01:12:03specifically
• 01:12:04on the portion of your
• 01:12:05presentation when you were talking
• 01:12:07about
• 01:12:10self care and capitalism together,
• 01:12:13and thinking about how marketing,
• 01:12:17begins to kind of target
• 01:12:18people whose bodies are othered,
• 01:12:19whether it's a queer body,
• 01:12:21a BIPOC body,
• 01:12:23bodies that are are different.
• 01:12:25And I appreciated really your
• 01:12:27emphasis on community, and I
• 01:12:28think
• 01:12:29it's
• 01:12:31community as a form of
• 01:12:32self care. And I think
• 01:12:33that's always kind of,
• 01:12:36how do I say, like,
• 01:12:37suggested, but thinking specifically about
• 01:12:40the examples you propose as,
• 01:12:42like, actual ways in which
• 01:12:44your community can serve one
• 01:12:46another as forms of self
• 01:12:47care
• 01:12:48and how certain communities who
• 01:12:55are, there's a wealth gap,
• 01:12:57so to speak,
• 01:12:58and how they've not only
• 01:12:59had to survive in their
• 01:13:00communities, because I think we
• 01:13:01talk a lot about survival,
• 01:13:03but sustain themselves and care
• 01:13:05for themselves as well without
• 01:13:06having
• 01:13:07particular means to purchase,
• 01:13:10everything to be a part
• 01:13:11of this kind of self
• 01:13:12care aesthetic,
• 01:13:14within capitalism. So I really
• 01:13:16I really appreciated that.
• 01:13:18And the examples you gave
• 01:13:19as well, they're, like, very
• 01:13:20heartwarming about how, you know,
• 01:13:22you can just kinda sit
• 01:13:23with your homegirl or whatever
• 01:13:25and just kinda eat a
• 01:13:26cookie and chill out, and
• 01:13:27that really is a serious
• 01:13:29form of of self care.
• 01:13:30So I appreciated that.
• 01:13:32Oh, you're welcome.
• 01:13:33I mean,
• 01:13:35I don't know. I just
• 01:13:36think even the books on
• 01:13:37self care. Right? The books
• 01:13:39people will usually ask you
• 01:13:40to buy. I know I
• 01:13:41like when I see people
• 01:13:42laughing. They're like, don't buy
• 01:13:43them. Don't buy them. Exactly.
• 01:13:45Right? Like, I just feel
• 01:13:46like there's so much. It's
• 01:13:47like my favorite thing was,
• 01:13:48like, the whole coloring book
• 01:13:49movement when, like, art therapy
• 01:13:51kinda took off and then
• 01:13:52everybody made a coloring book.
• 01:13:53And I'm not saying a
• 01:13:54coloring book is bad,
• 01:13:55but, again, like,
• 01:13:57you don't have to buy
• 01:13:58stuff to make art.
• 01:14:00Exactly.
• 01:14:01Exactly.
• 01:14:02Mhmm. Thank you.
• 01:14:04Yeah. Thank you.
• 01:14:08That's the thing. I feel
• 01:14:09like you brought out, like,
• 01:14:11the what do you call
• 01:14:12it? Not the I guess
• 01:14:13it isn't marketing, but the
• 01:14:15truth on how people try
• 01:14:16to market
• 01:14:17off of something we need
• 01:14:19to not necessarily heal from,
• 01:14:20but something you know what
• 01:14:21I mean? Like, I get
• 01:14:23frustrated myself when people, you
• 01:14:25know,
• 01:14:26like, the finances, like, you
• 01:14:27know, or how long you're
• 01:14:29in recovery for.
• 01:14:30There's this, like, assumption,
• 01:14:33right, that you should be
• 01:14:34better off than
• 01:14:36how you started.
• 01:14:37And and, like, where the
• 01:14:38hell did that come from?
• 01:14:39You know what I mean?
• 01:14:40Because Yeah. You know, like,
• 01:14:41everybody's past where they started
• 01:14:43from to where they got
• 01:14:44is different. You know what
• 01:14:45I mean? You don't know
• 01:14:46if someone's fine you know,
• 01:14:48it's just crazy.
• 01:14:49And and to
• 01:14:52to be or to eat
• 01:14:53better
• 01:14:54off of the limited income
• 01:14:56that a lot of people
• 01:14:58experience is straight bullshit. You
• 01:15:00know what I mean? It's
• 01:15:01not it's not easy.
• 01:15:02Yeah. It's not easy. And
• 01:15:03now the way they're making
• 01:15:06food,
• 01:15:07you know, scientifically
• 01:15:08making food is fucking crazy.
• 01:15:10Like, the other day, I
• 01:15:11was in Aldi's, and I
• 01:15:12didn't realize that
• 01:15:14Aldi's, I guess, is, like,
• 01:15:15the number one grocery store
• 01:15:16because people shop there because
• 01:15:17it's, you know, it's affordable
• 01:15:19where that's where they're doing
• 01:15:20the whole,
• 01:15:21scientifical food. So it's, like,
• 01:15:24fifty percent of their groceries
• 01:15:26are buy buy whatever. It's
• 01:15:28it's made like, the fish
• 01:15:29are made in in in
• 01:15:30a in a lab. Like,
• 01:15:31the chicken I made like,
• 01:15:32what the heck?
• 01:15:34And so they target people
• 01:15:35like us,
• 01:15:38you know, and keep messes
• 01:15:39us up from the job.
• 01:15:40So I appreciate it that
• 01:15:42you you brought that that
• 01:15:43honesty and that truth up
• 01:15:44there as well.
• 01:15:46Thank
• 01:15:47you.
• 01:15:50Anyone else? I I thought
• 01:15:52I heard someone unmuted earlier,
• 01:15:53but I might be wrong.
• 01:16:16I
• 01:16:17guess, I don't know, Mitzi,
• 01:16:17if you wanna go into
• 01:16:18the poem a minute a
• 01:16:19little bit since a lot
• 01:16:20of people have
• 01:16:22lot more comments and we're
• 01:16:24not getting.
• 01:16:27Oh, okay.
• 01:16:32You know, I,
• 01:16:36I usually read a poem,
• 01:16:37but you know what I
• 01:16:38did? I went and found
• 01:16:39Sonia.
• 01:16:42And, because she reads it
• 01:16:44so powerful,
• 01:16:46I I I usually read
• 01:16:47a poem or create something
• 01:16:48for for our events. And
• 01:16:50I asked,
• 01:16:52Wednesday to pick one from
• 01:16:53Sonia,
• 01:16:55Renee
• 01:16:56Taylor's book, The Body's Not
• 01:16:58an Apology.
• 01:17:00I read one the last
• 01:17:01last month also. But you
• 01:17:02know what I did? I
• 01:17:03went and I found Sonia
• 01:17:05reading it, and I I
• 01:17:06I think reciting it. So
• 01:17:08I think she I wanna
• 01:17:09share my screen
• 01:17:10so that everyone could could
• 01:17:12see Sonia doing this.
• 01:17:15Okay.
• 01:17:30Did everyone see that?
• 01:17:37Yes. The body is not
• 01:17:38an apology.
• 01:17:40Let it not be forget
• 01:17:41me not fixed to mattress
• 01:17:43when night threatens to leave
• 01:17:45the room empty as the
• 01:17:47belly of a crow. The
• 01:17:48body is not an apology.
• 01:17:50Do not present it as
• 01:17:51a disassembled rifle when they
• 01:17:53have yet to prove themselves
• 01:17:55more than common intruder.
• 01:17:57The body is not an
• 01:17:58apology.
• 01:17:59Let it not be common
• 01:18:00as oil, ash, or toilet.
• 01:18:02Let it not be small
• 01:18:03as gravel, stain, or teeth.
• 01:18:05Let it not be mountain
• 01:18:06when it is sand. Let
• 01:18:07it not be ocean when
• 01:18:09it is grass. Let it
• 01:18:10not be shaken, flattened, or
• 01:18:12raised in contrition.
• 01:18:14The body is not an
• 01:18:15apology.
• 01:18:16Do not present the body
• 01:18:17as communion,
• 01:18:19confession. Do not ask for
• 01:18:20to be pardoned as criminal.
• 01:18:21The body is not a
• 01:18:22crime. It's not a spill
• 01:18:24to be contained. It's not
• 01:18:25a lost set of keys
• 01:18:26or wrong number dialed. It
• 01:18:28is not the orange burst
• 01:18:29of blood to shame white
• 01:18:31dresses. The body is not
• 01:18:33an apology.
• 01:18:34It is not the unintended
• 01:18:35granule of bone beneath will.
• 01:18:37The body is not kill.
• 01:18:39It's not unkempt car. It's
• 01:18:40not a forgotten appointment. Do
• 01:18:42not speak it vulgar. The
• 01:18:44body is not soiled. It's
• 01:18:45not filled to be forgiven.
• 01:18:47The body is not an
• 01:18:48apology.
• 01:18:49It is not a father's
• 01:18:50backhand.
• 01:18:51It's not mother's dinner late
• 01:18:53again wrecked jaw howl. It
• 01:18:55is not the drunken sorcery
• 01:18:56of contorting steel round tree.
• 01:18:58The body is not calamity.
• 01:19:00The body is not a
• 01:19:01math test. The body is
• 01:19:02not a wrong answer. The
• 01:19:03body is not a failed
• 01:19:05class. You are not failing.
• 01:19:07The body is not a
• 01:19:08cavity, not a hole to
• 01:19:10be failed to be yanked
• 01:19:11out, not a broken thing
• 01:19:13to be mended, be tossed.
• 01:19:15The body is not prison,
• 01:19:16is not sentenced to be
• 01:19:18served, is not pavement,
• 01:19:20is not prayer.
• 01:19:21Do not give the body
• 01:19:23as gift,
• 01:19:24only receive it as such.
• 01:19:26The body is not to
• 01:19:27be prayed for, for, is
• 01:19:29to be prayed to.
• 01:19:31So for the evermore Torah
• 01:19:33tile tenth grade nose,
• 01:19:35hallelujah.
• 01:19:36For the shower song throat
• 01:19:38that crackles like a grandfather's
• 01:19:40Victrola,
• 01:19:41hallelujah.
• 01:19:42For the scum that never
• 01:19:43healed, for the broken heart
• 01:19:45that didn't either, hallelujah.
• 01:19:47For the sloping pulp of
• 01:19:48back, hip, belly, hosanna. For
• 01:19:51the air and tears that
• 01:19:52rose the face like a
• 01:19:54pack of misplaced wounds.
• 01:19:56Hosanna
• 01:19:56for the parts we have
• 01:19:58endeavored to excise.
• 01:19:59Let it be the cancer,
• 01:20:01the palsy,
• 01:20:02the womb that opens like
• 01:20:04a trapdoor.
• 01:20:05Praise the body in its
• 01:20:07blackjack magic
• 01:20:08even in this
• 01:20:10for the razor wire mouth,
• 01:20:12for the sweet god ribbon
• 01:20:13within. Praise for the mistake
• 01:20:16that never was. Praise for
• 01:20:18the mistake you never were.
• 01:20:20Praise for the big twist
• 01:20:22fall and rise again. Fall
• 01:20:25and rise again for the
• 01:20:27raising like an obstinate Christ,
• 01:20:29for the salvation of a
• 01:20:30body that bends like a
• 01:20:32baptismal bowl. For those who
• 01:20:35will worship at the lip
• 01:20:36of this sanctuary,
• 01:20:38praise the body for the
• 01:20:39body is not an apology.
• 01:20:41The body is deity.
• 01:20:44The body is God.
• 01:20:46The body
• 01:20:47is God.
• 01:20:49The only righteous love
• 01:20:51who will never need repent.
• 01:20:53Thank you all so much,
• 01:20:55Button. Thank you.
• 01:21:02Whoo. I couldn't have done
• 01:21:03that done it like that.
• 01:21:05That was good. That was
• 01:21:07so smart. That was good.
• 01:21:11It's so powerful.
• 01:21:13Sonia's from here, from Connecticut?
• 01:21:16The that book?
• 01:21:18I don't know where she's
• 01:21:19from.
• 01:21:20I don't know where she's
• 01:21:21from either. It's interesting. So
• 01:21:23she she wrote this book.
• 01:21:24She wrote a workbook. She
• 01:21:26did everything.
• 01:21:27And she did something that
• 01:21:28I think is really beautiful,
• 01:21:29which
• 01:21:30she, basically publicly said as
• 01:21:31a black queer woman, now
• 01:21:32that I've healed from the
• 01:21:34damage you all have done,
• 01:21:35I'm not doing this anymore.
• 01:21:37Oh, nice. She's not doing
• 01:21:38this anymore. Whatever she's put
• 01:21:40out there is all she
• 01:21:41plans on producing.
• 01:21:43And I thought I think
• 01:21:44that's part of what I
• 01:21:45love about her and I
• 01:21:46think is so amazing is
• 01:21:47she set a really beautiful
• 01:21:48boundary that no one's ever
• 01:21:50set with all of us
• 01:21:51in such a big way.
• 01:21:54And she allowed us to
• 01:21:55heal through her and said
• 01:21:56that she was done sharing
• 01:21:57that with everybody.
• 01:21:59That's nice. That's like the
• 01:22:01drop the mic stuff.
• 01:22:02Yeah.
• 01:22:05Like, learn from this at
• 01:22:06this point. I've shared enough.
• 01:22:07Do some you know, make
• 01:22:08the change. Be the change.
• 01:22:12And Sherry has put the
• 01:22:13link in there and the
• 01:22:14YouTube video, and then maybe
• 01:22:16what what when our quadrucut
• 01:22:17survey and and after, maybe
• 01:22:19we can send out to
• 01:22:20everybody that was here the
• 01:22:22the name of the book,
• 01:22:23the author, and things of
• 01:22:24that nature and share
• 01:22:26Wednesday's contact information.
• 01:22:28You said you the house
• 01:22:30too. Oh, yeah.
• 01:22:31Yeah. There you go. People
• 01:22:33I tell everyone you can
• 01:22:34email me anytime. I'm really
• 01:22:35good about being. I can
• 01:22:36or cannot do your request
• 01:22:38or get back to you
• 01:22:39right away. I always tell
• 01:22:40people, don't set a boundary
• 01:22:41for me. Let me set
• 01:22:42it. So Nice. Nice. Nice.
• 01:22:47This is great. This is
• 01:22:48an area that
• 01:22:50we needed to
• 01:22:52talk about.
• 01:22:57Put the link in your
• 01:22:58video chat. Okay. And here's
• 01:23:00the link. I just shared
• 01:23:01the link to the, poem
• 01:23:04on YouTube.
• 01:23:07So I'm gonna throw out
• 01:23:08there. So how
• 01:23:11how you incorporate what you
• 01:23:13learned today in your peer
• 01:23:15support lived experience or just
• 01:23:16your work or just your
• 01:23:17life in your day to
• 01:23:18day operations?
• 01:23:20How How do you think
• 01:23:21you were are going to
• 01:23:22incorporate what you learned today?
• 01:23:25If you wanna put it
• 01:23:25on the chat, if you
• 01:23:26wanna unmute yourself, either or.
• 01:23:29Well, you know, one thing
• 01:23:31I wanna share, Annette, that
• 01:23:32my work that I'm doing,
• 01:23:34body, mind, spirit, it's still
• 01:23:36a work in progress. I,
• 01:23:38so I've been listening today,
• 01:23:40and I've been working on
• 01:23:41a project,
• 01:23:43called just doing the little
• 01:23:45things. And, I was planning
• 01:23:47to share it on Substack.
• 01:23:49And, it started with
• 01:23:52my body journey. I, I
• 01:23:54was four hundred and seventeen
• 01:23:55pounds.
• 01:23:57And, I was on my
• 01:23:58college watching TV, watching Oprah
• 01:24:00bring her slab of fat
• 01:24:02on stage. You know?
• 01:24:04And and and I was
• 01:24:05just watching people getting that
• 01:24:07fifteen minutes of fame kind
• 01:24:08of thing. Look. I was
• 01:24:09this skinny and then I
• 01:24:10and then I was this
• 01:24:11fat and then I was
• 01:24:12this skinny coming out. You
• 01:24:13know, Roseanne came out in
• 01:24:14her leather outfit on her
• 01:24:16motorcycle. I have all these
• 01:24:17images in my head because
• 01:24:19that's what I was my
• 01:24:20mind was obsessed with.
• 01:24:22So I decided to start
• 01:24:24documenting myself, you know, and,
• 01:24:26you know, because I'm gonna
• 01:24:27show,
• 01:24:28the my weight loss journey.
• 01:24:30But what what came of
• 01:24:32it, it is that it
• 01:24:34became more than a weight
• 01:24:35loss journey. That's why I
• 01:24:36love this work that Wednesday
• 01:24:38is doing, and I understand
• 01:24:39it so much, especially when
• 01:24:40she said to document yourself,
• 01:24:43document something, and create. Document
• 01:24:45your story and create. I
• 01:24:46understand this because this is
• 01:24:47what I'm doing with my
• 01:24:48life.
• 01:24:49And,
• 01:24:50you know, so I have
• 01:24:51all these videos, like, years
• 01:24:52of documenting my weight loss,
• 01:24:55from four hundred and seventeen
• 01:24:56to where I'm at now
• 01:24:57and where I'm at now,
• 01:24:58the struggles that I am
• 01:25:00experiencing now, just sharing it.
• 01:25:02You know? Because I I
• 01:25:03was able to take the
• 01:25:04shame away from it.
• 01:25:06I was able to look
• 01:25:07back at my life and
• 01:25:08see what happened to me
• 01:25:10as a child and and
• 01:25:12and and what happened with
• 01:25:13food and everything. I'm able
• 01:25:14to to to know all
• 01:25:15of this and and stories
• 01:25:17and be able to share
• 01:25:18them and tell them. So
• 01:25:18that has empowered
• 01:25:20me so much to be
• 01:25:21able to
• 01:25:22to create,
• 01:25:24and tell my own story.
• 01:25:26You know? And, I've learned,
• 01:25:27like,
• 01:25:28to respect other people's stories,
• 01:25:30how they use their journeys,
• 01:25:32what they say about their
• 01:25:33journey because everybody has that
• 01:25:35power and that right to
• 01:25:36do that for themselves. And
• 01:25:37so with me being able
• 01:25:39to respect people's power and
• 01:25:40their right to do that,
• 01:25:42I'm able to respect my
• 01:25:43own.
• 01:25:44And,
• 01:25:45you know, and another thing
• 01:25:46that Wednesday said that really
• 01:25:48sound true to me is,
• 01:25:49like, when I see other
• 01:25:50people and I know other
• 01:25:51people, sir, I'm able to
• 01:25:53see myself.
• 01:25:54I'm not just in my
• 01:25:55mind worrying about, you know,
• 01:25:57me, me, me, me, me.
• 01:25:58I'm able to see someone
• 01:25:59else. And, so even with
• 01:26:01my mind, our thoughts is
• 01:26:02what wants to, like, control
• 01:26:04us. So even if I
• 01:26:05see my thought trying to
• 01:26:06judge someone's body or or
• 01:26:08appearance what they look up,
• 01:26:09I shut it off right
• 01:26:09away. I just say, eat
• 01:26:10that for me, ma. And
• 01:26:12ma is is is, is
• 01:26:14Cali. He's a deity who
• 01:26:15just just a a warrior
• 01:26:16terror. She just ripped things
• 01:26:18apart. So so I just
• 01:26:20asked to just take that
• 01:26:21thought away from me. So
• 01:26:22I just stop it, and
• 01:26:23I don't follow that thought
• 01:26:24any further
• 01:26:26as if I'm out in
• 01:26:27the in the woods walking
• 01:26:28and and looking at trees
• 01:26:30and not judging them that
• 01:26:31we're all they all there
• 01:26:32exists
• 01:26:34just to be. And so
• 01:26:36that's what that's what I
• 01:26:37do, and that really helps.
• 01:26:38So I just,
• 01:26:39every bit, you know, appreciate
• 01:26:41today and what you're saying.
• 01:26:42But, as I said, still
• 01:26:43working on my project, working
• 01:26:45on my drain journey, and
• 01:26:46I just noticed I said
• 01:26:48it was coming soon at
• 01:26:49the end of twenty twenty
• 01:26:50three, and this is, like,
• 01:26:52June because that's how hard
• 01:26:53it is to put something
• 01:26:54out in the world like
• 01:26:55that. So I also and
• 01:26:57Sonia Renee saying, like, this
• 01:26:58is this is enough. I'm
• 01:26:59not doing this anymore because
• 01:27:00it it it it does
• 01:27:02drain. It's a spiritual journey,
• 01:27:04and it does drain you
• 01:27:05to to to put so
• 01:27:07much out in the world.
• 01:27:07And then you
• 01:27:11to I don't know about
• 01:27:11you, Wednesday. What I usually
• 01:27:11do is go back in
• 01:27:11my cocoon and just regenerate
• 01:27:14myself, and I might be
• 01:27:15on Netflix for two weeks.
• 01:27:16I'm like, that's
• 01:27:18what I mean. And,
• 01:27:20you know, and and then
• 01:27:22go back. And and I
• 01:27:23love that. I love people's
• 01:27:24stories. So, like, when I
• 01:27:25look at Beyonce, when she
• 01:27:26goes out there and she
• 01:27:27did the renaissance tour and
• 01:27:29she documented the whole thing,
• 01:27:30and then she say that
• 01:27:31this is that she's just
• 01:27:32gonna take time off for
• 01:27:34herself. Just just take time
• 01:27:36off to take it, you
• 01:27:37know, to just
• 01:27:39not even talk if I
• 01:27:39don't feel like talking, you
• 01:27:41know. So that's,
• 01:27:42really good. And I really
• 01:27:43appreciate this because this is
• 01:27:44this is it. This is
• 01:27:45how I started therapy. I
• 01:27:47was like, I don't I
• 01:27:48don't like being overweight. I'm
• 01:27:50worrying about my kids. I
• 01:27:51I wanna live in a
• 01:27:52nice house with a nice
• 01:27:53car. You know? Why can't
• 01:27:54I get the American dream?
• 01:27:56What's what's going on?
• 01:27:57You know? And, so to
• 01:27:59tell us something that was
• 01:28:00wrong with me instead of
• 01:28:01now what I see is
• 01:28:02everything that happened in the
• 01:28:03world.
• 01:28:04So just thank you for
• 01:28:05your social justice work, every
• 01:28:07heart liberation, everything that you're
• 01:28:08doing because, we need this.
• 01:28:11And
• 01:28:13Mhmm.
• 01:28:14Thank you. Okay.
• 01:28:18Yeah.
• 01:28:19Hi. Hi. Hi, Wednesday. Hi,
• 01:28:21everybody.
• 01:28:24So
• 01:28:25just to share a little
• 01:28:26bit about my experience.
• 01:28:30So when I was, in
• 01:28:31junior high and high school,
• 01:28:35a lot of people would
• 01:28:37mistake me as a boy.
• 01:28:40And,
• 01:28:41actually, even in my adult
• 01:28:43life,
• 01:28:43depending on what my haircut
• 01:28:46looked like,
• 01:28:48I was mistaken as a
• 01:28:49boy.
• 01:28:50And, anyway,
• 01:28:51my my hair is a
• 01:28:52little longer now, and and
• 01:28:54I'm
• 01:28:55I I I I don't,
• 01:28:59I don't identify
• 01:29:00as much like that anymore.
• 01:29:03But,
• 01:29:04I appreciate you
• 01:29:06your being very candid
• 01:29:08and sharing about your experience.
• 01:29:13I,
• 01:29:13you know, I've always
• 01:29:16been told, you know, I'm
• 01:29:17a I'm a husk husky.
• 01:29:19You know, my I remember
• 01:29:21my grandmother would say, oh,
• 01:29:22well, you're husky.
• 01:29:24So
• 01:29:25but,
• 01:29:26you know, I've been,
• 01:29:28I have lived experience.
• 01:29:31I I have a mental
• 01:29:32health diagnosis.
• 01:29:34I'm a recovery support specialist.
• 01:29:38And,
• 01:29:40so,
• 01:29:43because,
• 01:29:44you you know, I'm experiencing,
• 01:29:47some medical issue issues right
• 01:29:49now,
• 01:29:52because I've been on the
• 01:29:53psychiatric medication for such a
• 01:29:55long time,
• 01:29:57and I I have two
• 01:29:58hernias.
• 01:29:59And it's actually
• 01:30:02affected,
• 01:30:04the way that I look,
• 01:30:06and I'm very self conscious
• 01:30:08of that.
• 01:30:09But,
• 01:30:10I'm really you know? And
• 01:30:11thank you for,
• 01:30:14bringing this into the light.
• 01:30:17I need to be kinder
• 01:30:19to
• 01:30:20myself and my body,
• 01:30:23And,
• 01:30:24I think with,
• 01:30:28you know, with this
• 01:30:30surgery,
• 01:30:31I will probably
• 01:30:33need to get.
• 01:30:36It's just,
• 01:30:37making me look at myself
• 01:30:40in a different light.
• 01:30:44I'm working with a a
• 01:30:45new psychiatrist,
• 01:30:46and and, hopefully, she'll help
• 01:30:48me to
• 01:30:50reduce some of my medications.
• 01:30:55So, anyway, I just I'm
• 01:30:56glad that I was here
• 01:30:58for this webinar. I'm grateful
• 01:31:00to hear everyone, and,
• 01:31:03thanks very much.
• 01:31:05Thank you.
• 01:31:07I think the universe likes
• 01:31:08to do fun things with
• 01:31:09bodies.
• 01:31:12So for the last year,
• 01:31:14I've had a bunch of
• 01:31:14medical issues, and it turns
• 01:31:16out
• 01:31:17at not a local medical
• 01:31:18facility, I was misdiagnosed,
• 01:31:20and I've had a hernia
• 01:31:21for the last year too.
• 01:31:22And my body shape has
• 01:31:23changed a lot, and I've
• 01:31:24had to do a lot
• 01:31:24of work around, hey. I
• 01:31:26say this to people all
• 01:31:27the time, but what do
• 01:31:27I do when my body's
• 01:31:28changing and it might not
• 01:31:29go back?
• 01:31:31It's so difficult when it's
• 01:31:32medical, and it's so out
• 01:31:34of your control, and you
• 01:31:35don't know what's going on.
• 01:31:37And
• 01:31:38I had to do the
• 01:31:39same thing where, like, some
• 01:31:40medication had to be changed.
• 01:31:41They were at it's like
• 01:31:42madness. Right? It's that swirl
• 01:31:43that we started within that
• 01:31:45painting. Right? And just trying
• 01:31:46to find that thing. And
• 01:31:48feel free to email me
• 01:31:49anytime because I know
• 01:31:51deeply what that is like.
• 01:31:55Wednesday, you just said something
• 01:31:57that I thought was interesting.
• 01:31:59You said
• 01:32:00that
• 01:32:01these medical issues that or
• 01:32:03these issues that were in
• 01:32:05were in my control or
• 01:32:06not in my control. Yep.
• 01:32:09I wrote that, you know,
• 01:32:13people can't accept in the
• 01:32:15medical community, can't accept when
• 01:32:17you're just uncomfortable,
• 01:32:19and there is no medical
• 01:32:21reason.
• 01:32:23I don't care how much
• 01:32:24I weigh. I'm just know
• 01:32:26that when I weigh x,
• 01:32:29I'm so uncomfortable.
• 01:32:31And
• 01:32:33in the medical world, that's
• 01:32:35fixable.
• 01:32:36Mhmm. And
• 01:32:37I'll tell you right now,
• 01:32:39I've lived the same life
• 01:32:40I've lived my whole life.
• 01:32:42I'm a vegetarian.
• 01:32:44Now I don't drink.
• 01:32:45I don't you know, I
• 01:32:47exercise. I take good care
• 01:32:48of myself. I'm a small
• 01:32:50person.
• 01:32:52And I you get
• 01:32:55made to feel like
• 01:32:56you're not telling the truth
• 01:32:58Mhmm.
• 01:32:59Because it's fixable.
• 01:33:01Yeah. Because well, well, you're
• 01:33:02almost fifty, so it's just
• 01:33:04this. It's just because you're
• 01:33:06almost fifty, and you just
• 01:33:08need to drink more water
• 01:33:09and and try to get
• 01:33:11out more. And this is
• 01:33:12my water bottle,
• 01:33:17and,
• 01:33:18you know,
• 01:33:20I don't know what to
• 01:33:21tell you. So I I
• 01:33:22find I find what you
• 01:33:24said interesting. If it's within
• 01:33:25the parameters of being able
• 01:33:27to be fixable by you
• 01:33:29Yep.
• 01:33:30You know, what are they
• 01:33:31gonna do for you?
• 01:33:33Because we know someone will
• 01:33:34always prescribe something that you
• 01:33:36don't necessarily need. We know
• 01:33:38that they'll always tell you
• 01:33:39to do something, and I
• 01:33:40I fully believe in bodily
• 01:33:42autonomy and self determination.
• 01:33:44And I think if you
• 01:33:45wanna lose weight and you
• 01:33:46can without hurting yourself, you
• 01:33:48should. And I think if
• 01:33:49you don't want to, I
• 01:33:50think that's your prerogative and
• 01:33:51your choice. And I think
• 01:33:52some bodies can and some
• 01:33:53bodies can't. And if anyone
• 01:33:55wants articles, I have a
• 01:33:56whole archive of all of
• 01:33:57the science around weight gain
• 01:33:59and weight loss and how
• 01:34:00this works in our bodies
• 01:34:01and what bodies are supposed
• 01:34:02to and what bodies can't.
• 01:34:03And
• 01:34:05it's like Sherry just said,
• 01:34:06it's much easier to blame
• 01:34:07the individual than look at
• 01:34:08social injustice or environment. I've
• 01:34:10never met a doctor that
• 01:34:11talks about the social determinants
• 01:34:13of health as a medical
• 01:34:14doctor. I know many psychiatrists,
• 01:34:16specialists,
• 01:34:17but, like, never has a
• 01:34:18doctor sat down with me
• 01:34:19and been like, what was
• 01:34:20food like your childhood? What
• 01:34:21did you have access to?
• 01:34:23How do all these things
• 01:34:23contribute to where your body
• 01:34:25is now? Mhmm. Mhmm. Mhmm.
• 01:34:28My god. I don't know
• 01:34:29what a world we would
• 01:34:30live in if,
• 01:34:31just the med like, modern
• 01:34:33medicine
• 01:34:34could have
• 01:34:36five more minutes with you.
• 01:34:38You know?
• 01:34:40True. For real.
• 01:34:42If we would like to
• 01:34:43all dismantle all of
• 01:34:46the all of the systems,
• 01:34:47including the insurance system, I'm
• 01:34:49for burning that down specifically
• 01:34:51as someone who does get
• 01:34:52paid by them. I'd rather
• 01:34:53not.
• 01:34:55What do you what do
• 01:34:56you,
• 01:34:57think is helpful in,
• 01:34:59dealing with,
• 01:35:03especially middle schoolers, but I
• 01:35:04am seeing it in elementary
• 01:35:06students too,
• 01:35:08this whole idea. How how
• 01:35:09do we
• 01:35:10break it down to a
• 01:35:13a more palatable
• 01:35:15level for young people?
• 01:35:20I think it's by Sonia
• 01:35:21Rene Taylor, ironically. I'm not
• 01:35:23sure. Let me look, and
• 01:35:24I can email you. There
• 01:35:25were some really good kids'
• 01:35:27books made about bodies.
• 01:35:30I actually bought one for
• 01:35:31my nephew who's only three,
• 01:35:32and he likes it. It's
• 01:35:33really for elementary school kids.
• 01:35:35But it shows all the
• 01:35:36different kinds of bodies, including
• 01:35:38top surgery scars, mastectomy scars,
• 01:35:41surgery scars.
• 01:35:42Oh, you guys send that
• 01:35:43to me too. You guys
• 01:35:44send it to me too.
• 01:35:45That's good.
• 01:35:46And and I can say
• 01:35:47this. You know, I appreciate
• 01:35:48that I am now in
• 01:35:50a family unit where my
• 01:35:52brother and sister-in-law
• 01:35:53really appreciate
• 01:35:54what I do in the
• 01:35:55world. And so they let
• 01:35:56me buy him this book
• 01:35:57and we read it to
• 01:35:58him, and he'll be in
• 01:35:59public.
• 01:36:00And, you know, my dad's
• 01:36:01a seventy something year old
• 01:36:02white man. He's done a
• 01:36:04really good job. And, you
• 01:36:06know, sometimes he'll see someone
• 01:36:07and he'll stare and he
• 01:36:09won't mean to. And this
• 01:36:10three year old child will
• 01:36:11go, a body is just
• 01:36:13a body, papa.
• 01:36:16And I'm like, that's a
• 01:36:17win. That's a win.
• 01:36:21Yeah. Again, it's it's teaching
• 01:36:23differently.
• 01:36:23You see, Kelvin Kelvin got
• 01:36:25my daughter a book that
• 01:36:26was,
• 01:36:27you're you're enough
• 01:36:29about diversity and stuff like
• 01:36:30that.
• 01:36:31And my daughter, she she's
• 01:36:33one of her favorite books.
• 01:36:34And so I'm I'm always
• 01:36:35trying to find different authors
• 01:36:36and stuff like that than
• 01:36:37your typical nursery nursery rhymes
• 01:36:40because, you know, we're we're
• 01:36:41Hispanic, and we live in
• 01:36:42a we live in Vernon,
• 01:36:43and it's a little different
• 01:36:45over here. And she's experienced
• 01:36:46a couple discriminations. You know
• 01:36:48what I mean? And then
• 01:36:49her parents with tattoos
• 01:36:51and former felons and people
• 01:36:52in recovery. Can you imagine?
• 01:36:54You know what I mean?
• 01:36:54So so and I wanna
• 01:36:56be able to teach her
• 01:36:56how to react and respond
• 01:36:58very positively
• 01:37:00and and stuff like that.
• 01:37:00But, again, I think we
• 01:37:01just go back to the
• 01:37:02same thing with this education
• 01:37:03piece. Right? Like, re you're
• 01:37:05rechanging the narrative and rechanging
• 01:37:07some of the
• 01:37:08old school ways that we've
• 01:37:09been taught to do things
• 01:37:11or judge,
• 01:37:13and stare at people, right,
• 01:37:14and just maybe go up
• 01:37:15to somebody and compliment them
• 01:37:17and whatnot. Like, I remember
• 01:37:18I was at Walmart a
• 01:37:19couple months ago, and somebody,
• 01:37:21you could tell they were
• 01:37:22going through their, like, their
• 01:37:23changes and stuff like that.
• 01:37:25And
• 01:37:26I don't know what I
• 01:37:28don't know what it what
• 01:37:28what what she he wanted
• 01:37:30to be called, but she
• 01:37:30had this really nice lipstick
• 01:37:32color on. And I was
• 01:37:33like, where did you get
• 01:37:34that lipstick?
• 01:37:36Like, what color is it?
• 01:37:37I don't care how you
• 01:37:38like and she just I
• 01:37:40remember she stopped and said,
• 01:37:42you know what? I really
• 01:37:43appreciate you recognizing
• 01:37:44the lip. You know, it's
• 01:37:45a it's a lip stain,
• 01:37:46which now I'm learning there's
• 01:37:48lip stains and not lipstick.
• 01:37:50So so, again, you had
• 01:37:51a really good conversation,
• 01:37:53and we were talking, and
• 01:37:54we ended up talking about
• 01:37:55insurance. And at the time,
• 01:37:56I was doing some work
• 01:37:57for Anthem, and she needed
• 01:37:58help with figuring out how
• 01:37:59to get some surgeries paid
• 01:38:00for, and we ended up
• 01:38:02connecting. I was like, here
• 01:38:03we go.
• 01:38:04So it worked. But, again
• 01:38:07That's what it's about.
• 01:38:09Mhmm.
• 01:38:11You know, I love that
• 01:38:12that the, the three year
• 01:38:14old could say we're we're
• 01:38:16we're not just our body.
• 01:38:19What I got from my
• 01:38:20also,
• 01:38:22what my journey has shown
• 01:38:23me that there's that we're
• 01:38:24more than our bodies. We're
• 01:38:25not just our bodies.
• 01:38:26And,
• 01:38:28and and I actually look
• 01:38:29at,
• 01:38:30actually a soul even before
• 01:38:32my body. Before I came
• 01:38:33into this body, I was
• 01:38:34a soul. So and when
• 01:38:35I leave this planet, I'm
• 01:38:37leaving as a soul, and
• 01:38:38the body is just something
• 01:38:39dropped because it's done its
• 01:38:41work,
• 01:38:43while being here. And hopefully,
• 01:38:44just wanna keep doing my
• 01:38:46work, you know, while I'm
• 01:38:47here. But,
• 01:38:49so that even helps
• 01:38:51to know,
• 01:38:52building that that inner strength
• 01:38:54and and to look at
• 01:38:55the spiritual first because then
• 01:38:57being able to do that,
• 01:38:59then any any of the
• 01:39:00human experience that comes up,
• 01:39:02I'm able to to manage
• 01:39:03it. I'm able to handle
• 01:39:04it, You
• 01:39:06know?
• 01:39:07Then just thinking that, oh,
• 01:39:09they they did this to
• 01:39:10me. They they did somebody
• 01:39:11did this to me. Someone
• 01:39:12did that to me. Instead,
• 01:39:13I'm like, okay. What do
• 01:39:14I need to learn?
• 01:39:16Mhmm.
• 01:39:16Summer Soul, I'm here. I'm
• 01:39:18taking this Earth schooling. What
• 01:39:20do I need to learn
• 01:39:21from this situation that that
• 01:39:22that comes up and what
• 01:39:23I need to learn about
• 01:39:24this this body situation? And
• 01:39:26when I I've actually
• 01:39:29compassion is what I've learned.
• 01:39:32Empathy and compassion, I've learned
• 01:39:33being overweight because I was
• 01:39:36a tiny little person, you
• 01:39:37know, for for most of
• 01:39:38my life.
• 01:39:40Well, not most of my
• 01:39:41life, but before my my
• 01:39:42teenage years or so before
• 01:39:43having my daughter.
• 01:39:45And,
• 01:39:47and I didn't look at
• 01:39:48people that was overweight
• 01:39:49in a in a kind
• 01:39:50way. I teased my sister
• 01:39:52that was overweight. You know?
• 01:39:53So those things so when
• 01:39:55I see someone, you know
• 01:39:56so those those
• 01:39:58that taught me empathy and
• 01:39:59compassion,
• 01:40:00being overweight, and I don't
• 01:40:02think,
• 01:40:03I didn't have that. And
• 01:40:04I'm honestly could say say
• 01:40:06that I did not have
• 01:40:07that.
• 01:40:08I was in survival mode
• 01:40:10of everything that happened to
• 01:40:11me and
• 01:40:12and,
• 01:40:13and the anger that you
• 01:40:14talk about, all that anger
• 01:40:16that's there. I I really
• 01:40:18appreciate that. I learned how
• 01:40:19to feel my anger and
• 01:40:20didn't think that I'm going
• 01:40:21to hurt anyone. I'm gonna
• 01:40:22hurt myself feeling anger. I
• 01:40:24deserve to feel my emotion
• 01:40:25because something pissed me off,
• 01:40:27and I'm angry about what
• 01:40:28happened. And I'm able to
• 01:40:29to say that and find
• 01:40:31a way through it. I
• 01:40:32love that. Find a way
• 01:40:33through that anger.
• 01:40:35You know? But that's my
• 01:40:37emotion that I that I
• 01:40:38deserve to to have because
• 01:40:39of what happened.
• 01:40:41And,
• 01:40:42so, just so just being
• 01:40:44able to to to work
• 01:40:46through those things and and
• 01:40:47and and seeing the spiritual
• 01:40:48journey,
• 01:40:49being able to have acceptance
• 01:40:51for this human experience
• 01:40:53that I have, you know,
• 01:40:54And just keep learning. Like,
• 01:40:55I've just known that I
• 01:40:56just don't know anything the
• 01:40:57more I learn. I just
• 01:40:58don't know nothing and just
• 01:40:59to keep living and
• 01:41:01respect on others.
• 01:41:05This is perfect.
• 01:41:07Someone put dessert for dinner
• 01:41:08is like a donut for
• 01:41:09breakfast. I like that.
• 01:41:13Oh, wow. Alright. I know
• 01:41:15Sherry put the the survey
• 01:41:16in the in the link
• 01:41:17if you guys could take
• 01:41:18a minute to do that
• 01:41:19real quick as well. You
• 01:41:20know, I read Kerry Washington's
• 01:41:22book, and her husband,
• 01:41:24he eats his dessert
• 01:41:26before dinner all through.
• 01:41:28That's his habit.
• 01:41:30There's,
• 01:41:32this intuitive eating protocol that
• 01:41:34they try to teach parents
• 01:41:36now, which is really cool
• 01:41:36with kids, which is we
• 01:41:38don't call it dessert anymore
• 01:41:39with kids. It's just food.
• 01:41:40So you serve them all
• 01:41:41the different components of the
• 01:41:42food, and you put the
• 01:41:43plate of cookies or whatever
• 01:41:44on the table, and they
• 01:41:46take one as part of
• 01:41:47dinner.
• 01:41:48And what it does is
• 01:41:48it it neutralizes the stimulus
• 01:41:51value certain foods have.
• 01:41:53Right? And your salad and
• 01:41:54your French fries and whatever
• 01:41:57protein you're having and your
• 01:41:58vegetables are all on the
• 01:41:59table together.
• 01:42:00Kids are actually less likely
• 01:42:02to binge
• 01:42:03on a food that has
• 01:42:04a high stimulus value because
• 01:42:06we say it's bad and
• 01:42:07they shouldn't have it. And
• 01:42:08then they develop their natural
• 01:42:09response to eating because we've
• 01:42:11interrupted that with all the
• 01:42:12food that we've made in
• 01:42:13the world and how easy
• 01:42:14it is to access flavors
• 01:42:16that nature doesn't make.
• 01:42:18Yes.
• 01:42:19Yes. And it's again, right,
• 01:42:20I don't have a child.
• 01:42:22I work with children, and
• 01:42:23I have my nephew. We
• 01:42:24do it with my nephew,
• 01:42:25and it's really cool to
• 01:42:26see a kid, like, eat
• 01:42:27half a cookie and go,
• 01:42:28you know what? I prefer
• 01:42:29I prefer the chicken that
• 01:42:30you made or, like, yay.
• 01:42:32It's pizza night, but his
• 01:42:33favorite thing is now edamame.
• 01:42:34So where's the edamame? I
• 01:42:35won't eat pizza without
• 01:42:37this massive bowl of edamame.
• 01:42:39And I'm like, what three
• 01:42:40year old
• 01:42:41wants them? Oh, the kid
• 01:42:43that we told him all
• 01:42:44food is just food, and
• 01:42:45we put it all on
• 01:42:46the table together. And we
• 01:42:47said whatever you eat is
• 01:42:48what you eat, and we're
• 01:42:49not gonna panic if you
• 01:42:51eat five cookies and make
• 01:42:52yourself sick because then you're
• 01:42:53gonna learn not to eat
• 01:42:54five cookies. Exactly.
• 01:42:57Oh my god. Perfect. Yep.
• 01:42:58I oh my goodness. I
• 01:42:59had to do all that
• 01:43:00with my daughter. My daughter
• 01:43:01stopped eating one day out
• 01:43:02of nowhere
• 01:43:03for months. And I was
• 01:43:05panicking and going to every
• 01:43:06single doctor
• 01:43:07in the world, and I
• 01:43:08had to learn to teach
• 01:43:09her how to build a
• 01:43:10relationship with food. That was
• 01:43:12the most intensive job I've
• 01:43:14ever had in my life
• 01:43:16where we had to discover
• 01:43:17scavenger. I always tell people,
• 01:43:19scavenger hot mashed potatoes. I
• 01:43:20had to hide little toys
• 01:43:21in mashed potatoes,
• 01:43:22but she ate, and and
• 01:43:23that's what we do now.
• 01:43:24I don't fight for her.
• 01:43:25I'm not like my mother
• 01:43:26used to tell me you
• 01:43:26can't leave that dinner table
• 01:43:28on it. If you don't
• 01:43:28eat it tonight, you're gonna
• 01:43:29eat it for breakfast. I
• 01:43:30am not traumatizing her. You
• 01:43:32don't eat. You don't eat.
• 01:43:32You're hungry. You mix things.
• 01:43:33You get a stomachache. You're
• 01:43:34gonna learn on your own.
• 01:43:36Yep.
• 01:43:39That's good. This is confirmation
• 01:43:41that we have learned the
• 01:43:42wrong way. We are presettling
• 01:43:44the right way.
• 01:43:46I was just gonna say,
• 01:43:47I I was brought up
• 01:43:48to be a member of
• 01:43:49the Clean Play Club. I
• 01:43:50don't know how many other
• 01:43:51members we have here today,
• 01:43:52but
• 01:43:54and but I was so
• 01:43:56glad for whatever reason because
• 01:43:57I never gave it enough
• 01:43:59deep thought, you know, as
• 01:44:00as we're doing today, but
• 01:44:03I never made my son
• 01:44:04eat more
• 01:44:05than he wanted to. And
• 01:44:07he's
• 01:44:07intuitively learned,
• 01:44:09you know, I feel uncomfortable
• 01:44:10if I eat too much,
• 01:44:11and he's he's really good
• 01:44:12about food. He eats what
• 01:44:13he wants to eat, and
• 01:44:14he eats
• 01:44:15until he feels satisfied, and
• 01:44:17he has such a healthier
• 01:44:18relationship with it.
• 01:44:20So, yeah, we gotta burn
• 01:44:21down the clean plate clubs.
• 01:44:23You know, it was always
• 01:44:24that so and so is
• 01:44:25starving somewhere else, and I
• 01:44:26was always like,
• 01:44:27well, you could take my
• 01:44:28food, the the the stuff
• 01:44:30I don't like,
• 01:44:32and ship it there. Why
• 01:44:33don't you bring it to
• 01:44:34people if they need it?
• 01:44:36That's what I used to
• 01:44:36say to clients' parents when
• 01:44:38their kid was recovering and
• 01:44:39they really wanted them to
• 01:44:40finish the plate is, like,
• 01:44:42are you gonna fly it
• 01:44:43down and go? Because I'm
• 01:44:44not saying there are tons
• 01:44:45of hungry people in the
• 01:44:45world, but if you're not
• 01:44:46going to bring it to
• 01:44:47them or spend the money
• 01:44:48on your kid's food on
• 01:44:49something else, emotionally manipulating someone
• 01:44:52to eat generally
• 01:44:54turns into other disorders later
• 01:44:56on in life.
• 01:45:04Well, stuff they didn't know
• 01:45:05fifteen, twenty years ago.
• 01:45:07I know.
• 01:45:09Sometimes I'm like, thanks, mom,
• 01:45:10and then other times I'm
• 01:45:11like but it's it's like
• 01:45:13you said, Mitzi. You don't
• 01:45:14know what you know until
• 01:45:15you know it, and until
• 01:45:16then, we search for it.
• 01:45:17Yep.
• 01:45:19Well, thank God. Right? Because
• 01:45:20thank God for people like
• 01:45:21you, me, other people on
• 01:45:22here. We've all been through
• 01:45:23these experiences, and now we've
• 01:45:25been able to come out
• 01:45:26and share our stories so
• 01:45:28that other people don't have
• 01:45:29to, fortunately. You know? So
• 01:45:30we're we're part of the
• 01:45:31solution,
• 01:45:34bringing them along with us.
• 01:45:35This is awesome. This is
• 01:45:36really good.
• 01:45:38I appreciate you all having
• 01:45:39me in your space.
• 01:45:41Thank you for being here.
• 01:45:44Trying to see who's closing
• 01:45:45us. I think, Kelvin, I
• 01:45:45think you're on the
• 01:45:47the last part, Ron.
• 01:45:50Yeah. Absolutely.
• 01:45:52Thank you so much, Wednesday,
• 01:45:54for just adding your wisdom,
• 01:45:56to our day. You know?
• 01:45:57And I love the community
• 01:45:59aspect
• 01:46:00of of this this webinar
• 01:46:01we shared. You really create
• 01:46:03this space for us to
• 01:46:04connect with one another feel
• 01:46:06safe enough to be vulnerable,
• 01:46:08if you need be. And
• 01:46:09I love what you said
• 01:46:10about about community care. You
• 01:46:12know? That's that's so important,
• 01:46:14in our culture and our
• 01:46:15society.
• 01:46:16And, you know,
• 01:46:17oftentimes, you know, we, you
• 01:46:19know, especially working in behavioral
• 01:46:20health, we hear about self
• 01:46:21care and and oftentimes it
• 01:46:22gets co opted and and
• 01:46:23it gets, you know, like
• 01:46:24like you shared, you know,
• 01:46:25it it's it's,
• 01:46:28you know, you know, the
• 01:46:29capitalistic society culture we live
• 01:46:31in,
• 01:46:32you know, we we feel
• 01:46:33like that we have to
• 01:46:34buy so many different things
• 01:46:35to take care of ourselves.
• 01:46:38But even just sitting down
• 01:46:39in a chair and just,
• 01:46:41taking a few deep breaths,
• 01:46:42you know, how powerful that
• 01:46:43is.
• 01:46:44A tool that I use
• 01:46:45is humming, you know, or
• 01:46:46or toning, you know, where
• 01:46:48I'm I'm stimulating the vagus
• 01:46:49nerve and activating the parasympathetic
• 01:46:51nervous system.
• 01:46:52And just five minutes of
• 01:46:54of humming,
• 01:46:55it really brings me back
• 01:46:56home, back into homeostasis,
• 01:46:58back in into my body.
• 01:46:59And I think nature is
• 01:47:00one of the most underutilized
• 01:47:02antidepressants
• 01:47:02out there, you know, and
• 01:47:04walking. There's so many different
• 01:47:06things that we can do,
• 01:47:07but I really love the
• 01:47:08point, you said about just
• 01:47:10having people in your life
• 01:47:11have their best interest at
• 01:47:12heart that you could come
• 01:47:13and sit down and just
• 01:47:14chill with, you know? And
• 01:47:16that's the work that we
• 01:47:17do in work in peer
• 01:47:18roles. You know, we have
• 01:47:19opportunity
• 01:47:20to connect with another human
• 01:47:21being that perhaps went through
• 01:47:23some similar experiences as we
• 01:47:25have, but the tools that
• 01:47:26we we learn
• 01:47:27to connect with them like
• 01:47:29open dialogue or IPS,
• 01:47:30there's so many different other
• 01:47:32tools and and practices that
• 01:47:33we can utilize to support
• 01:47:35another human being is is
• 01:47:37so powerful.
• 01:47:38I was telling a colleague
• 01:47:39of mine yesterday that I
• 01:47:40believe that peer support can
• 01:47:41revolutionize and really change,
• 01:47:44humanity
• 01:47:44because of the way that
• 01:47:45we connect with another human
• 01:47:46being and how we do
• 01:47:48it in a very loving,
• 01:47:49compassionate, and nonjudgmental way. And
• 01:47:51that's the space that you
• 01:47:52really created for all of
• 01:47:53us here today. You know?
• 01:47:55And this is something that
• 01:47:56we can embody into our
• 01:47:57lifestyle
• 01:47:58and really bring into our
• 01:47:59homes, bring into our, communities,
• 01:48:01into our neighborhoods, to the
• 01:48:03organizations
• 01:48:04that we serve at.
• 01:48:05And and that's how we
• 01:48:06we make a ripple effect
• 01:48:07into,
• 01:48:08to the world. And I
• 01:48:09believe Gandhi said, be the
• 01:48:11change you wanna see in
• 01:48:12the world. And it starts
• 01:48:13with us and really doing
• 01:48:15the work and understanding what
• 01:48:16we have,
• 01:48:18in our life to really
• 01:48:19bring it to our self
• 01:48:20of of homeostasis.
• 01:48:22And, you know, I love
• 01:48:23Audrey Lorde. You know, she
• 01:48:24I love when she shared
• 01:48:25about, she talks about self
• 01:48:27preservation,
• 01:48:28you know,
• 01:48:29how how, you know, what
• 01:48:30are we gonna do to
• 01:48:31preserve
• 01:48:34our well-being, you know, mentally,
• 01:48:35emotionally, spiritually, physically,
• 01:48:38relationally. There's so many things
• 01:48:39that we can do that
• 01:48:40doesn't cost anything, you know?
• 01:48:42And, you know, just, it
• 01:48:43just even, you know, what
• 01:48:44you shared about art, you
• 01:48:46know, and the practice that
• 01:48:47I have with Sound Healing,
• 01:48:48you know, I'm, I'm reframing
• 01:48:50how I'm looking at Sound
• 01:48:51Healing. I guess it is
• 01:48:52an art in a way
• 01:48:54and, you know, kind of
• 01:48:55utilizing that art to really,
• 01:48:58express myself, you know, express
• 01:49:00my heart, express,
• 01:49:01how I feel and how
• 01:49:03how that energy from the
• 01:49:04the different tools that I
• 01:49:05utilize and how I'm able
• 01:49:06to express it at sound
• 01:49:08vibration and tones and frequencies,
• 01:49:11and really
• 01:49:12being in a space with
• 01:49:13other people that they can
• 01:49:14body the sounds of vibration
• 01:49:16and tones and frequencies as
• 01:49:17well too. And and that's
• 01:49:18like a little piece of
• 01:49:19me
• 01:49:21being emitted being emitted in
• 01:49:22the air and the vibration
• 01:49:23from the tools that I
• 01:49:24utilize. So I I really,
• 01:49:26really appreciate,
• 01:49:28yeah, this this this conversation,
• 01:49:30you know, this this webinar,
• 01:49:31this interaction with other human
• 01:49:33beings that that you really
• 01:49:35co created for us. So
• 01:49:36I really, really appreciate you,
• 01:49:37Wednesday. Thank you so much.
• 01:49:39Thank you so much. And
• 01:49:40thank all of y'all,
• 01:49:41for being here.
• 01:49:43If you get a chance,
• 01:49:44please, you know, click on,
• 01:49:45the survey. Please fill that
• 01:49:47out. That's how we,
• 01:49:49gather information so we could
• 01:49:50better serve
• 01:49:52our communities, very, serve,
• 01:49:55the work that we're doing
• 01:49:55here at Upper Spiral. And
• 01:49:57I wanna give a shout
• 01:49:58out to, my colleagues on
• 01:49:59the committee here. Doctor Cheryl
• 01:50:01Bellamy, thank you. Thank you.
• 01:50:02Thank you for everything that
• 01:50:03you do for for really
• 01:50:05making this happen, literally making
• 01:50:06this happen. So we really
• 01:50:07appreciate you and all the
• 01:50:09work that you've you've done,
• 01:50:10not only here in Connecticut,
• 01:50:11but internationally as well too.
• 01:50:13So we appreciate you,
• 01:50:15very, very much. And also,
• 01:50:16Sheree, you know, you do
• 01:50:18a lot of work behind
• 01:50:19the scenes that we don't
• 01:50:20see, you know, but you
• 01:50:21you do feel an experience
• 01:50:22and you take care of.
• 01:50:23So we really appreciate you,
• 01:50:25Sharee, for all the work
• 01:50:26that you do and all
• 01:50:27the work that you've been
• 01:50:28doing,
• 01:50:30with
• 01:50:31us, being a part of
• 01:50:32an upward spiral committee as
• 01:50:33well too.
• 01:50:34My dear friend,
• 01:50:36and, colleague Annette, you know,
• 01:50:38and I remember when you
• 01:50:40first came to me and
• 01:50:41really wanting to create a
• 01:50:42space where,
• 01:50:44you know, we've seen the
• 01:50:45roles
• 01:50:46of people that's working in
• 01:50:47a peer roles, how that
• 01:50:48was manifested in all the
• 01:50:50people's lives here in Connecticut.
• 01:50:51And we wanted
• 01:50:53to make some changes. And
• 01:50:54we, you know, we both
• 01:50:55went to
• 01:50:56doctor Bellamy, and, she was
• 01:50:58able to make a lot
• 01:50:59of things happen to really,
• 01:51:01here we are four years
• 01:51:03later. And also my good
• 01:51:04friend and colleague, Misty Sky,
• 01:51:06you know, for just really
• 01:51:07bring being a,
• 01:51:08a very awesome addition to
• 01:51:10the work that we're doing.
• 01:51:11So we take it to
• 01:51:12the next level in the
• 01:51:13work, you know, and the
• 01:51:14creativity that you have, Missy.
• 01:51:16We really, really love with
• 01:51:17the with the artwork, with
• 01:51:19the flyers, you know. And
• 01:51:21also, Missy, for the work
• 01:51:22that you're doing as well.
• 01:51:23You know, you have an
• 01:51:24awesome book. I have it
• 01:51:26on my shelf as well
• 01:51:27too, the poetry that you
• 01:51:28share,
• 01:51:29and all the work that
• 01:51:30you're doing,
• 01:51:31all over the over over
• 01:51:32not only Connecticut, but all
• 01:51:34over of different states here
• 01:51:35in Connecticut and virtually as
• 01:51:37well too. So we see
• 01:51:38you, we appreciate you, and
• 01:51:39we love you as well.
• 01:51:40And all of y'all, thank
• 01:51:41you so much
• 01:51:43for being here, you know,
• 01:51:44really taking this time out
• 01:51:45for yourself as we learn
• 01:51:46and really co created this
• 01:51:48space together.
• 01:51:49If one of you wasn't
• 01:51:50here today, the energy, the
• 01:51:51space on this virtual platform
• 01:51:53would have been different. So
• 01:51:54we appreciate you, all of
• 01:51:56you. The ASL,
• 01:51:58interpreters, thank you so much.
• 01:51:59My good friend, Julie, thank
• 01:52:01you so much. Thank you,
• 01:52:02Jade, for being with us
• 01:52:03as well too.
• 01:52:04All of y'all. I really
• 01:52:06appreciate all of y'all. Thank
• 01:52:07you so much. And just
• 01:52:08to know that,
• 01:52:10on July thirty first, my
• 01:52:12next upward spot upward
• 01:52:13spiral summer summit, we will
• 01:52:15have Tish Boyd,
• 01:52:16when she gonna be talking
• 01:52:17about financial wellness
• 01:52:19and how do we take
• 01:52:21care of ourselves financially.
• 01:52:22And I feel, you know,
• 01:52:24I had a lot
• 01:52:25of beliefs around money, you
• 01:52:27know, the way I grew
• 01:52:28up, you know, but I'm
• 01:52:29learning today there's nothing wrong
• 01:52:30with financial abundance.
• 01:52:32And it's a way that
• 01:52:33we can learn how to
• 01:52:34be,
• 01:52:35resourceful and how we can
• 01:52:36utilize, that funds to take
• 01:52:37care of our family ourselves
• 01:52:39and really, make some a
• 01:52:40difference in the world as
• 01:52:42well too. And also on
• 01:52:45August twenty eighth, we'll have
• 01:52:46our our following
• 01:52:48August,
• 01:52:49webinar.
• 01:52:51And then September twenty fifth,
• 01:52:52we're gonna have an in
• 01:52:53person,
• 01:52:54to top it off, to
• 01:52:55close us out in recovery
• 01:52:57month as well too.
• 01:52:58And the venue will be
• 01:53:00announced
• 01:53:01later on, so stay tuned
• 01:53:02to that. So please join
• 01:53:03us again on next month,
• 01:53:05you know. So thank you
• 01:53:06all so much for being
• 01:53:07here and really taking this
• 01:53:08time out for yourself. We
• 01:53:09really appreciate all of you.
• 01:53:11Have a good rest of
• 01:53:12the day, everyone.
• 01:53:13Yep. Thanks everybody.